#11 ~ "What's yours is mine...what's mine is yours"

One of my little sister and I's favorite movies is called "Monster-in-Law." If you've ever seen it, you probably share our love for its humor and hilarious jokes as Jennifer Lopez battles with what seems like the worst mother in law ever! Every single time we watch the movie, we are in tears laughing at the scenarios with the future mother in law who doesn't feel like Charlie (Jennifer Lopez's character) will ever be good enough for her son. Though this is an amazing movie, the sad thing is that there are real mother in laws out there who make their daughter in law feel this way. There are even families who make a newly gained member feel unwelcomed, unloved or inadequate. Perhaps you're married and feel that way now. Or perhaps you're about to get married and you're dreading becoming family members with some of your future spouse's family. Welp! I have great news beloved. God is marrying you into that family for a reason and it may be even greater than just for your spouse.

As soon as I met my husband's family, I was in love with their joy, love and laughter! They reminded me a lot of my family. However, I did have questions about if his mother liked me when I first met her. She wasn't outgoing and loving like she is now that I know her. She seemed very conservative, reserved and asked a lot of thought-provoking questions. I realize now that she was trying to ensure that I was ready for marriage, mature enough to be a wife and the right one for her son. And guess what? After she got a chance to know me and I got a chance to know her, I realized how much she reminded me of my own mother. She was loving and nurturing, yet very protective of her sons. She was also very wise, yet usually knew how to listen to other people's thoughts and perspectives on things. She was truly a gem and an answered prayer: a mother in law who would love me like I was her own. 

When men first get married, they endure the hard part of leaving home and leaving their mothers behind especially if raised by a single mother. However, the Bible says in Ephesians 5:31 ~ "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."This verse tells us that a man must leave his place of comfort and cleave to his wife. The word "cleave" means to to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly. This definition is powerful as it shows us how important it is for a man to become adhered to his wife firmly and unwaveringly. In the good times fellas, you must cleave. In the bad times, you must cleave as well. The definition says UNWAVERINGLY and LOYALLY. To not waver and to be loyal means to stay committed in spite of the circumstances. You must realize that your wife now comes first. Ladies, you must realize that your husband now comes first. You are one and you are united. 

I have truly been blessed to marry into an amazing family, but there were some rocky moments. I had to realize that my husband's family is very "blunt" and upfront and they sometimes "say it how they feel it." I'm a very sensitive person and thus I try to be very conscious of how I say things to people and think about how it will make them feel. Therefore, when they would say certain things, I would get offended and my feelings would be hurt by it. But GOD showed me the importance of loving people where they are and showing grace. I knew that despite their words hurting, their intentions were not to hurt me because they were genuinely loving people. I also learned that new relationships take some getting used to as you learn people's personalities and characteristics. It's all apart of life! Remember my blog post titled "Tomayto or Tomahto." I learned that though our delivery may be different, we still all had the same thing at the core: love. 

 

Dear sis, I know his family may get on your nerves or make you feel frustrated when you're around them but pray for the Lord to work on your heart. Pray for the Lord to help you love them with grace and show them the love of Christ. It may seem like it will never change, but gradually you will see a change in your heart and in your perspective. It's essential to pray for the Lord to give you his eyes for people so that you can see them the way that he would- with love.

 

Brother, I know her family may rub you the wrong way and maybe her mom or dad don't give you the love you think you deserve. But don't be dismayed. If you and your spouse/future spouse truly believe that GOD has brought you together, you must stand on his promise to you and go forward. Don't become discouraged by family discord or chaos. Stay adhered to one another and allow Christ to mold you and shape you in the midst of the discomfort or disheartening. It will make you stronger and wiser if you trust the process and ask for discernment in the midst of it all. 

 

Nuggets to remember:

1) Your marriage to your spouse is for a greater purpose than just being united with him/her. You're marrying into that family for a reason.

2) Marriage means you must leave and cleave to your spouse. This means to adhere unwaveringly.

3) God will help you to love people with grace and understanding.

4) God will use situations of family discord and discomfort to make you stronger and wiser. Trust the process.

God Bless!

~ CW 

#12 ~ Follow the Leader

Do you remember playing the game "Follow the Leader" in elementary school? Or "Simon Says?" These games were sooo fun and you only won if you were able to follow exactly what the leader said exactly how they did it. You had to be paying attention to their words and make sure that your actions followed. I often think about the memories of this game and how fun it was to play with my friends. However, the most fun came for me when I was able to be "Simon" or "the leader" because I then could dictate how I wanted the game to go and what moves I wanted the team to follow. It felt good to be in charge.

 

 

Weeks before I became a wife, I told myself "Alright it's time for you to submit...he's in charge." I was soooo used to being so independent for such a number of years in college and beyond that I knew it would be an adjustment for me as I would have to now submit to someone else's leadership. In addition, I was raised in a single parent household by my mother for most of my life, so I knew that I had gained valuable life skills and household management techniques that many people haven't received at my age. But one day as I was reflecting, I got a vision of my grandparents. I reflected on how their marriage had been over the years and how my grandmother submitted to my grandfather even when she felt like she knew all of the answers. I also admired how she let him lead the family even when she didn't understand his decision-making process or how he came to the conclusions that he did. It taught me that you don't always have to fully understand the plan to follow it. It also taught me that sometimes even when my grandma knew the questions before my grandpa had even thought of the answers, she learned to trust his leadership.

 

Now as a wife, I've learned that when I submit to my husband, it doesn't take away my strength at all. Though the myth for many women is that submission equal weakness, this is FAR from the truth. I'm still a strong woman. It actually enhances my strength to be able to submit to his leadership. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:22 ~ "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Therefore, in order for wives to submit to their husband as they do the Lord, they must be in a submissive relationship with GOD FIRST! It's essential to understand that marriage represents the relationship between Jesus and his bride- the church! Once we understand this, we are able to understand our role in a marriage. Our role is to LOVE like Christ loved the church. Our role is also to SUBMIT as the church submits to Christ.

 

As for me, one of the main things I loved about my husband was his submission to Christ. Therefore, it was easier to submit than I thought it would be because I realized that as my husband submitted to Christ, I was able to submit to him because I knew he was seeking counsel from the Lord. Before every decision, he would pray about what to do. For major decisions, we would both pray and fast together. When he was confused about what to do, he would pray. When he was discouraged, he would pray. This was extremely encouraging to me to see the head of my household praying about every decision because he valued his role of leading me.

 

Being the independent person that I am, I would often question some of my husband's decisions and even his decision making. However, over time I've realized that GOD loves me sooooo much that he gave me a man who's a natural born leader. He is gifted in leading and directing so some things were second nature for him. Other things that he didn't have much experience in or he didn't have much knowledge about were things that I did. The great thing is that we balance each other out. I learned that I was weak where he was strong and he was strong where I was weak. His strengths covered my weaknesses and mine did the same for him. We realized how much we were a TEAM! It's not always super easy at first but once you understand that GOD has divine order in making your husband the head of the household, you are better able to follow the leader.

 

Nuggets to remember:

1) Trusting your spouse means trusting their leadership. This means submitting even when you may know the answers far before your spouse even knows the questions.

 

2) Marriage represents the relationship between CHRIST and his bride- the church.

 

3) Pray that your spouse will be lead by the Holy Spirit as he leads you. When you do, he'll lead you as Christ leads him for your family.

 

4) Your strengths and weaknesses will balance each other out. You're a team and together you both will achieve more! 

 

God Bless!

~ CW

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



#13 ~ "Hollllllllddd on!"

Have you ever went into a store and had to wait in a longggg line for a longggg time? Isn't it frustrating? And the worst part about it all is that you have no control over how fast the line will move and all you can do is stand there and wait. This is the same way it can feel in life. We can feel like "Ughhh I'll be single forever," "I'll be at this point in my life forever," "This season seems like it's going to last a lifetime" and every other similar thought that brings you down, discourages your heart and makes you feel burdened by life's uncertainty.

Dear heart, I will tell you that these feelings are common and everyone endures a time in life where you feel like you don't know what's going on and have no idea where your life is headed. It's okay. This is a moment where you must learn to wait. I know it's hard to hear and even harder to live out. However, you must learn the beauty of waiting and how to wait in contentment. The Bible tells us in Psalm 37:7, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!" This scripture is extremely encouraging as it lets us know to wait patiently for the Lord and not be fearful, worried or consumed with the enemy and his plans. We belong to GOD and we are HIS. Therefore, he knows the plans he has for us and his plans WILL prosper if we trust him in everything that we do. 

In marriage, one of the hardest things is wanting GOD to move in a certain area of your life and not seeing the manifestation as soon as you would like. My husband and I prayed for me to get a job after my summer internship and the wait seemed to last FOREVER! I would spend days talking to recruiters, doing school work, and researching job opportunities. I was anxious to start working because I wanted to contribute to our household. However, the Holy Spirit showed me how much GOD is a GOD of timing. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." I started to look at my situation differently and asked the Lord what he wanted me to do with the time he had given me. I spent more time in my quiet time before the Lord praying, studying the Word, praising and worshipping. I also spent more time during the day exercising and taking care of our home. In the afternoon, I would start cooking dinner and prepare for my husband's arrival from home. So although I was anxious to work, I began to appreciate what the Lord was doing and how he was giving me time to do certain things for this specific season of my life. (Ecclesiastes 8:6 ~ For there is a time and a way for everything, although man's trouble lies heavy on him.) 

Another dilemma that we faced was my car situation. I have had my car for 8 years and it's a 1994 Honda Accord. I love Snow White (yes, I named my car) soooooo much because it was my first car and my mother purchased the car for me as a single mother. Thus, I was extremely grateful for the car and knew that I wanted to show my appreciation by taking extra good care of it for as long as possible. However, it is now 2015 meaning that Snow White is 21 years old and with older cars often comes more problems and more maintenance. This was demonstrated in Snow White not starting for my husband one day as he went to a meeting for work. It was surprising to me because I hadn't had any issues with her recently with not starting. However, this particular day she wouldn't budge. We checked the wires, the battery, and everything that could have possibly contributed to her not turning on at all...nothing was the answer! Immediately, we had Snow White towed to our mechanic and asked him if he could check the starter. He called us and gave us surprising news. He said, "I'm not sure what happened but Snow White is starting and your starter is fine." Whatttttt??!!! Why was my car not starting? Why did she cause our entire day to be turned upside down all for our mechanic to tell us such news? At that very moment of contemplating about the situation, GOD showed me a conversation my husband and I had a few weeks prior. In that conversation, my husband told me that he thought we should start looking at getting me a more reliable car sooner than later because he didn't want me to drive Snow White to work and get stuck due to her not being as reliable. I agreed but I still didn't wholeheartedly accept that I may have to get an alternative to Snow White because she was working just fine and had no hiccups thus far. However, I believe that the incident was GOD's way of telling me that it was time. 

I am now blessed and grateful because the Lord blessed my husband and I with a brand new vehicle that we both love and have named Judah! The word "judah" means praise and we know that our prayers, our worship and our praise are what allowed the doors to be opened for us to purchase a new vehicle. And it happened all in GOD's timing. We just had to hold on! 

Now please note that this blog post isn't intended to solely bring attention to financial troubles or dilemmas because marriage is filled with low moments in various areas. You may have been given a word from GOD and feel like, "Lord where is the manifestation of your promise?" I know there may be days where you feel low in various areas of your life: emotionally, mentally, financially and even physically. But trust GOD's plan and know that many times he's telling you to simply wait on him. He will give you strength while you wait and reveal to you more and more what his plan entails. Isaiah 40:31 says, "But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

Nuggets to remember:
1) It is perfectly normal to get frustrated and discouraged while you wait on the promises of GOD.
2) Cherish every season of your life and ask GOD what he's trying to teach you and produce in you in that season.
3) Know that GOD will provide for his children. He's a great father and he won't forsake you. Just hold on! He's coming to see about you and care for you.
4) Wait in contentment. While you wait, he's renewing your strength and revealing his plan to you. 

God Bless!
~ CW

#14 ~ Love = Sacrifice

Typically when I preach on the topic of sacrifice, the church gets quiet, I don't get many "Amens" and  people shut down because it's not "preaching them happy." This response is typical because we as humans don't naturally jump at the thought of having to sacrifice. Sacrifice is defined as a loss or something you give up, usually for the sake of a better cause. Well, newsflash dear heart....LOVE EQUALS SACRIFICE. 

When my husband and I were courting, my law school at the time hosted their Annual Barrister's Ball. It was a beautiful event that many people called "law school prom." The theme was also very attractive to me because it was "Great Gatsby/1930s" and I LOVE the fashion from that era. I think the ladies were gorgeous and classy, and the men were so debonair. As soon as I found out about the ball, I told Keith and he was ecstatic. He definitely wanted to come and be apart of the great occasion but he had a small dilemma. He had a work retreat the week of the ball and wasn't sure what time he would get back to be able to fly out to North Carolina that weekend. Ohhhhh noooo!!! I started thinking, "Lord, please allow him to come because this means so much to me....I don't want to go alone.....If it's in your will for me to go, please work this scheduling situation out for him." And guess what? Soon after the initial conversation about the ball, GOD worked it out! Keith had planned that he would leave his work retreat (where he literally was leading and working the entire time) and immediately get on a flight to come to NC. I was soooooo amazed at his willingness to sacrifice for me. It showed me his dedication to being there for what was important to me and his understanding of true love; it equals sacrifice. 

The ball was beautiful and a few months went by before he returned to North Carolina for the law banquet where....HE PROPOSED! I had no idea that he planned to propose at the banquet but it was PERFECT! We got married the next month in a small, intimate ceremony in Chicago and I never realized how quick the sacrifice of LOVE would come. 

I immediately felt the repercussions of not having my family in the same state anymore. Most of all, I missed my Mommy because we are so close and she wasn't a 20 minute drive away anymore. I also missed my church family because I loveeee my church (shout out to The Lord's Church of the Triangle pastored by Bishop Eric McDaniel and Pastor Subrenia McDaniel). It was such a big change! I went from being in a city where I knew how to get around, had family minutes away and had a church family that I had grown with over the years to a place where I didn't know street names or have a sense of direction, had my family several hours away and a new church family to which I had to get accustomed. It was a SACRIFICE! Now don't get me wrong, after being here for almost a year now, I am better with getting around (although I still sometimes need my good ol' GPS), I communicate with my family via FaceTime and Skype and travel home when I can, and I've grown to love my new Bethel House of Prayer church family. However, I can't tell you how many nights I cried missing my family, how many times I got discouraged driving around Chicago because I had gotten lost and how many times I wished I was in my home church where I knew how everything operated and desired to be in my comfort zone. That is the part of love that many people forget or forsake to think about when getting married or when they first get married. 

Even if your family is within driving distance, you will have to sacrifice your will and your wants. Every holiday won't necessarily with your family and that's okay. It may hurt and you will miss them, but you must realize that the same sacrifice you would want from your spouse...you have to give it. 

(My little cousin Hadrian and I at Sunday dinner held at my Grandma's)

Ladies, I know you love him and fellas, I know you love her. However, the real test of love comes not at your wedding ceremony when you see her and fall in love all over again. It also doesn't come when you have butterflies in your stomach as they enter a room. The test of real love comes when you are forced to give up something that means a lot to you (i.e. money, sleep, time, watching the game, going somewhere you really want to go, comfort, convenience, and etc.) for someone else's good and benefit. 

Jesus gives us the perfect example of sacrifice when he DIED for you and for me. (Romans 5:8 ~ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.) He gave up his life so that we could be free and live victoriously. That's love! Further, in Ephesians 5:2, the bible says, "Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God." There are also many times in the Bible where those who followed GOD were asked to sacrifice to him to show their love. Abraham was willing to sacrifice his own son Isaac to demonstrate his love for GOD. Moses was willing to sacrifice his comfort zone of speaking in front of others to save the children of Israel because of his love and obedience to GOD. True love requires sacrifice. 

Quite frankly, sacrifice is a major component of marriage that is ALL in and through your journey and it's not always easy. Actually, most of the times it's very difficult because you're literally having to "die" to yourself and your desires and put someone else's BEFORE yours. However, I've learned that even though sacrifice doesn't always feel good, it's definitely FOR your good. It takes prayer and discipline, but it molds and shapes you. It makes you more mature and it helps you understand a small fragment of how JESUS must have felt when he died in his flesh for the greater good of humanity.

Nuggets to remember:

1) Sacrifice is defined as a loss or something you give up, usually for the sake of a better cause. 

2) The same sacrifice you would want from your spouse, you must be willing to give. Be fair dear heart. 

3) Jesus demonstrated the ultimate sacrifice when he gave up his life so that WE could have life more abundantly in him.

4) Sacrifice doesn't always feel good, but it will create a discipline and maturity in you like never before.

God Bless!

~CW

   

#15 ~ "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes ________ with the baby carriage..."

I must start this post by saying that I love that I see more and more people excited about marriage. I see more and more of my friends getting married and embarking on the journey of becoming a wife or husband. In addition, I see a ton of people congratulating them and wishing them the best. It's a great feeling! However, what I don't necessarily like is when I see people encouraging them to have a baby immediately. If the couple decides to start working toward increasing their family immediately after marriage, that's great! But if the couple decides to wait a while, that's great too! It's their family and GOD who have the final say on their plan....not any human being.

When I first got married, I kept hearing, "Soooooo when's the baby coming?" I was so excited to know that many people could see me as an amazing mother. However, what troubled me was that the common misconception is that one must start having children as soon as they get married. Again, I will say: If a couple decides to have a baby as soon as they get married, that's great if they decide it, pray about it and GOD blesses them with a child. But it's very easy to get distracted by the opinions of others and start living for them. Unless their knowledge is biblical, you need to take everything simply as one's opinions.

The biggest thing to remember is that your life's story is written by the greatest author of all time: JESUS CHRIST! Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This scripture encourages us by letting us know that the Lord already has our plans in mind and knows exactly what he's called you to do. Be not deceived by the world. GOD makes NO mistakes. Therefore, he knows exactly what he's doing when he does it and why. Though we often get consumed with those questions and try to plan out our lives (I'm guilty!), he has a huge plan that extends far beyond what we could ever think or imagine. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind can conceive; what the Lord has in store for those who love Him." If you love GOD, there's great things in store for you!

If people tell you that your biological clock is ticking, you can tell that you know the author of time and his name is JESUS. You can't become so engrained in people's thoughts that you forsake your own feelings and thoughts. If you and your husband desire to have a baby 2, 3, 4 or even 10 years after marriage, it's between YOU and GOD. Your decision to start a family when you do is not for your family, friends or colleagues to decide. You must remember that only you and your spouse will be ultimately responsible for taking care of a child to which GOD has entrusted you both.

Remember that GOD is sovereign and supreme. Therefore, in the midst of you desiring to have a baby at a certain time in your marriage, GOD can do ANYTHING. Yes, even if you take contraceptives to prevent pregnancy. I personally know women who have become pregnant with child while taking contraceptives. I also know woman who have not been on any type of contraceptives, and yet they don't get pregnant for years. It's all up to the ultimate master of our fate and author of our soul- JESUS!

I also feel lead by the Holy Spirit to encourage any woman who desires to have children and feels inadequate because you were told that you cannot. I also want to encourage women who don't desire to have kids at all and have felt less than a woman for not having the desire to have children. You are NOT less of a woman if you don't have children due to either ability or desire. GOD is supreme! If you feel in your heart that GOD has told you that it's not his will for you to have children, that's a peace that you must keep within your heart. However, GOD has the final say so if you were told by a doctor or by someone that you may not be able to have children, I encourage you to seek the Lord about what his will is for your life regarding having children. What GOD has for you is for you! (Proverbs 16:9 ~ In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.)

Nuggets to remember:
1) GOD has the final say on your plan to have children, not any human being.

2) Don't get so consumed with trying to plan your life that you forget who authors your story: JESUS, and his plans are for you to prosper.

3) We are not restricted by time because we know the author of time. The biological clock "wisdom" does not take precedent over the smartest doctor I know: JESUS.

4) Don't be discouraged by lack of desire or ability. What GOD has for you is for you and HE has the final say.

God Bless!
~CW

#22 ~ Sex Chronicles....Oh boy!

On the day of May 23, 2014, I was super excited because I was about to marry my best friend! It was truly the happiest day of my life! I often thought about how he would look when he first saw me enter the church, if I would trip on the walk to him, and if my hair would stay in place for pictures. All the while, I couldn't stop thinking about the most important question of all: How would I be in the bedroom? I was SUPER DUPER WOOPER nervous! My husband was super handsome but he also had more experience than me due to past. On the other hand, I had NO idea what I was doing. I begin to undergo intense physical training as if I was entering the National Olympics. I did Zumba on a daily basis, crunches, sit-ups, push-ups...you name it! However, it all hit me one day when the Lord reminded me of something very important....my honeymoon night wasn't an event or a show. It was an experience with my husband that would go on forever and ever as long as we kept the passion flaming in our marriage.

Though it was okay for me to be eager and excited, the Lord showed me that it was not about my performance because I had FOREVER to perfect it. Many times people become so encompassed with getting married to overcome their desire to have sex. However, I have a news flash for you! There are 24 hours in a day and you will not be having sex all day every day like rabbits. Marriage consists of so much more than sex and intimacy goes beyond the physical aspect of it that includes sex. Once you understand that intimacy begins on a mental level, translates into the emotional part of you and then evolves into physical, you'll be much better off. It's essential to realize that even if you get married and you've had sex before, it's a different experience when you have sex with your spouse.

Historically, when Greek women got married they would show the blood on their cloths to the town to prove that they had been intimate with their husband. This also was a display of the covenant that had been formed by the blood shed. The key word here is COVENANT. In the same way, once you become married, you are forming a covenant between GOD and your spouse. (Mark 10:9 ~ Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.")

Further, the Word of GOD speaks of the marriage covenant in Malach 2:14-16, "You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth...though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant." GOD is a GOD of covenant and relationship. He honors his covenant with his people which is evidenced several times in his Word from him keeping his promise to Abraham and Moses by protecting the children of Israel to his promise to Noah to never flood the Earth again as he did when the ark withstood the detriment of the land being filled with water. GOD HONORS COVENANT. Therefore, we must ensure that we honor our covenant with him and our spouse as well.

Our covenant with our spouse is strengthened when we stay committed to each other and to the call on our lives to each other. Additionally, the covenant is strengthened when we strive to love them like JESUS on a daily basis in spite of their weaknesses and their faults. The key to doing so is showing grace in realizing that we TOO need grace because we TOO have weaknesses and faults.

Once you learn to love your spouse mentally and seek to understand their thoughts, you have stimulated their minds. This is mental intimacy. When your spouse feels free to share their hopes, dreams and aspirations with you, they have reached a place of true comfort and have become mentally open, vulnerable and intimate with you. And this level of intimacy goes far deeper than sex alone.

When your spouse feels comfortable to share their feelings, even the ones that may seem embarrassing, this is emotional intimacy. When they feel comfortable to share their worries, doubts and fears with you, they are emotionally open and thus being emotionally intimate with you. This is emotional intimacy and true vulnerability. And this goes far deeper than sex alone.

Due to the fact that mental and emotional intimacy should come first leading to physical intimacy being extremely fulfilling, I enjoy each aspect of intimacy with my husband. I love our long talks about our visions and goals with the same amount of passion that I have when he opens up to me about his fears and concerns. This passion for both mental and emotional intimacy matriculates into the physical aspect of intimacy and makes that part of it somewhat easy. I realized that I'm not on trial or taking a final exam when I'm being physically intimate with my husband. I'm simply showing him my love, being completely open and vulnerable and worshipping GOD all at the same time. It gets no better than that!

I remember reading a book by First Lady Serita Jakes the week before I got married that truly changed my life. It's titled, Beside Every Good Man: Loving Myself While Standing By Him and it talks about how to love yourself while being your husband's help meet and walking alongside him as he accomplishes his God-given destiny and purpose. In the book, she also discusses how to truly be free in marriage and be free with your husband physically. I compared it to falling on a soft cloud and knowing that its comfort would be like nothing you've ever felt before or to someone falling backwards into the arms of someone who they KNEW they could trust and who would be there to catch them. When you have trust, you also have openness and vulnerability therefore making it easy to be free sexually with your spouse.

Dear heart, if you're feeling like me and wondering if you'll know how to perform sexually and physically when you get married, STOP your worry and ERASE your doubt. You will have forever to perfect this gift from GOD. Your job is merely to worship GOD with your husband or wife in this way and let GOD take control. It's all created for his glory.

Nuggets to remember:
1) Sex is not a show and you are not on stage.

2) Intimacy doesn't start with sex. Intimacy goes much deeper than sex.

3) Intimacy begins with mental and emotional intimacy. Embrace your spouse's thoughts, fears and emotions and the physical part will be a piece of cake.

4) Sex is seen as worship to GOD because he created it ALL for his glory. So have rest and peace and get rid of your worry and doubt.

God Bless!
~CW

#16 ~ Your Greatest Weapon

Have you ever been in an argument and wondered how do I win? Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this way but in an argument, I used to want to have the last word. Not only did I want to have the last word but I wanted it to be a "drop the mic" last word that was profound and made my point crystal clear! I would feel as though I just went to war and WON! Heyyyyy!! Him- 0, Chazle' 1! One day I finally realized that my words and my "drop the  mic" moment meant nothing. We were a team so how could I feel as though I had won when I went against my teammate. There's nothing worse than seeing a basketball team or a football team lose all because they are trying to outdo each other instead of working together toward a common goal. (Matthew 12:25 ~ Knowing their thoughts, he said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand.)

I was immediately convicted and realized that I had not won, but actually I had lost. I had failed the God-given test to use my greatest weapon: PRAYER. Most wives are told prior to marriage and even during marriage that you must take care of your husband by making his meals after work, cleaning the house, being intimate with him on a regular basis and making him comfortable at home in any way possible. Although all of these things are relevant and true, they mean NOTHING if you're not praying for your spouse. Fellas, you may think that you need to provide for your wife or future wife, take care of the children, mow the lawn, take care of the home by doing handy work, and protecting your family at all costs. And in the same way, though these things are great, they mean nothing with your prayers.

Prayer is the most powerful weapon that Christians have as we navigate through life because it is our direct line of communication to GOD. Matthew 21:22 says, And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” Additionally, the Bible tells us about instances when the people of GOD were going through hard times and they found refuge in prayer. Therefore, in the midst of a storm, trial or argument, you don't need to fight with your negative words or actions. It won't help the situation, nor will it help your marriage. Your greatest weapon is to get out of doing what's best and feels best for you at that moment and think maturely. At that moment, you are both offended and upset. Therefore, fueling the fire won't do anything but cause it to spread. Take a moment...cool off and in the midst of the cool off, PRAY!

As men and women who live in this world, we face a lot on a daily basis from work duties bogging us down, our boss and their demands seeming unattainable, and school work piling up with each day to being concerned about the bills, making sure the children are not driving you crazy, and keeping your house in order. Along with all of these things, you still have to maintain your spiritual wellness by making sure you have your whole armor of GOD on you to fight against the enemy's devices, ensure that you get your quiet time with the Lord in the morning, and try to get your  mind submerged in the Word of GOD and worship on your way to work. Whewww!! It's A LOT! So the key is to make sure you are praying for your spouse. They have to endure a lot during the day and what better way to help them than to pray for them to the ONE person who can help them through it all: JESUS CHRIST!

Additionally, the beauty of it all is that the Lord will never put more on you than you can bear. He knows every plan for you and has already orchestrated how each day will begin and end. So when we're navigating through life and feeling overwhelmed, he will give us exactly what we need to survive and to thrive. Rest in that thought and rest in him. (Psalm 107:28-30 ~ Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven.)

The war that we endure on a daily basis is not physical, emotional or even mental. The wars that we endure are spiritual battles, thus requiring us to use spiritual weapons. The bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:4, "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds." We must grab to hold of this powerful Word!! This scripture tells us that our weapons are not carnal, but spiritual and mighty. Our weapons have the power to pull strongholds down and defeat the enemy! That means you have the greatest weapon of all to overcome the enemy's tactics, devices and attacks: PRAYER. You have the ability to speak directly to GOD about your problems and ask him to help you endure and to ask him to mold you and shape you to be right in his sight.

During our times of test, we have to stop thinking in the mindset of "Lord, get me out of this" and change our thinking instead to "Lord, what are you trying to get out of ME?" This will allow us to turn our eyes and focus to the fixer of our faith. Additionally, changing our perspective will help us pray differently. We will pray for our spouses to endure tests and trials, pray for the Lord to provide them with what they need, pray that the Lord would cover them, and most importantly, pray for their minds, hearts and emotions to be set in accordance to your will. After praying for our spouse, we must also pray that we ourselves would be in right standing with the Lord. It's not okay to pray, "Lord please FIX him/her because s/he's X, Y & Z! Get him/her Lord!" No dear heart. This can't be so. We must learn to pray with compassion and grace realizing that we need JESUS just as much as our spouse. Extend grace and pray! The bible tells us to pray without ceasing! 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour." Don't allow the enemy to catch you off guard ready to be devoured. Be on guard and stay armed with your greatest weapon: PRAYER.

Nuggets to remember:
1) "Winning" an argument with your spouse is not winning. You are a team and therefore cannot prosper divided amongst each other.

2) Your greatest weapon in times of trouble or frustration is not to do what feels good to you. Be mature and see the bigger war going on.

3) As you pray for your spouse, pray for yourself as well so that you BOTH may be in right standing with the Lord. Extend grace to understand that you both need the help of JESUS.

4)The war we fight is not carnal, but spiritual. Therefore, you must use spiritual weapons, with the greatest one being prayer!

God Bless!
~CW

#17 ~ It's ONE day!

From the time I was a little girl, I remember planning my entire wedding and honeymoon. I envisioned a tall, dark and handsome groom, a beautiful bridal party, beautiful weather with the birds chirping and a day of no stress and pain. The honeymoon in my mind was somewhere warm and relaxing near water and consisted of nothing more than rest, relaxation and fun in the sun. I'm sure I'm not the only woman who has envisioned her wedding for years. And fellas, although you may not have planned your wedding as a little boy, I'm sure you envisioned your ideal woman and wife. It's a beautiful thing to think about your future with that one special person that GOD designed to be your spouse. However, in the midst of planning my big wedding, I have noticed something very important that allows me to decrease my stress: It's ONE day!

Marriage is soooooo much more than a one-day ceremony where every detail matters and every moment counts. Don't get me wrong...I am THRILLED about our big wedding. I'm excited about celebrating our marriage with our family and friends. I'm excited to look like a Queen that day with my dress, veil and entire bridal get-up. However, since I am already married I have learned that the key to marriage is what you establish BEFORE the ceremony.

My husband and I were counseled by my spiritual father, Pastor Philip A. Mitchell, and received knowledge and nuggets that have sustained us during our hard times of marriage. The lessons we learned in our counseling will stay with us for the rest of our lives. We covered topics such as: sex in marriage and your expectations, managing finances, learning to compromise and etc. Each session was amazing and filled with transparency and wisdom. Due to the fact that my husband and I were in different states at the time, we did our counseling via Skype and Oovoo. We were determined to build a strong foundation for our marriage and understood the importance of receiving counsel.

Before you are able to become a lawyer, you must receive preparation and go to law school. Before you can operate on anyone as a doctor, you must go to medical school. Before you are able to style someone's hair in a professional setting, you must go to cosmetology school. All of these life ventures and goals require preparation and training before you are able to fully embrace tasks associated with each career. Why? Because who wants a lawyer who hasn't received the foundations of law? And do you want someone operating on you or your family member without the foundation of the body and how to do an operation? Absolutely not!

In the same regard, you can't expect to thrive and succeed in your marriage if you haven't received proper Godly, wise counsel prior to saying "I Do." It's vital and essential and means much more than the details of the pew bows, aisle runners and candelabras that will fill the ceremony venue. I'm not saying to neglect the details of your dream wedding, but don't do so at the cost of forgetting what's key: Invest in your marriage! Get wisdom and instruction. (Proverbs 1:7 ~  The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.)

My husband and I are soooo grateful for the teachings we received from our counseling and extend that same wisdom to others. My husband has officiated 2 weddings to date and has counseled each couple beforehand with the same curriculum we completed. Each couple has been forced to learn and/or think deeper about each other's love language, make decisions about who will manage the finances of their home, and discuss ways to compromise and make decisions in the home. All of these lessons include valuable nuggets that we pray will stay with these couples forever and ever because they are truly what hold your marriage together.

When you and your spouse come together, you are coming together as one with GOD at the center of your marriage. Therefore, you are coming together as a three-strand cord that will not be easily torn apart IF you keep CHRIST at the center. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." The bible also tells us in Mark 10:9, "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." This scripture is so powerful in that it means when GOD brings and joins you and your spouse together, NO ONE will be able to separate it unless you allow them to do so.

Keep your cord strong and centered around CHRIST! Steve Wonder sang, "We can't lose with GOD on our side..." and Hillsong similarly sang, "Jesus at the center of it all..." Make him the core and the glue of your marriage and you will find that it is stronger than you doing it on your own.

Nuggets to remember:
1) Don't allow stress to consume you. The wedding is ONE day! Your marriage is a lifetime.

2) Invest in your marriage by making counseling a priority. Sacrifice your time and take those nuggets and lessons to heart.

3) Remember that what GOD has joined together, no one can separate unless you allow them to do so.

4) A three strand cord is NOT easily broken. Keep CHRIST at the center and at the core of your marriage and you will succeed.

God Bless!
~CW

 

#18 ~ What's in your ear?

In today's society, we have soooo many things influencing us on a daily basis. We have the constant penetration of the media and their perception of recent news stories. We have TV shows, movies and even social media sites like Facebook and Instagram that have an influence on us by affecting our thoughts, opinions and ideas on a daily....sometimes hourly basis. So what do we do with those thoughts? How do we keep them under control? I have learned that we must take every thought captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5 ~ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.) In order to be more like JESUS, we must fill ourselves with things and ideas that reflect who he is. We must ensure that our thoughts are pure, lovely, true and edifying. (Phil. 4:8 ~ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.)

When you first get married or even before you say "I Do," you will encounter a lot of marriage "experts." They will tell you their stories and how their first years of marriage were for them and their spouse, tell you about the problems they faced and etc. You will also face those who are not married and have never been married but will feel that they have "wisdom" on how marriage will most likely be. The next group of people you will hear from will be those who were married and are no longer married but they are pros in what you MUST do and what you must NOT do. Don't get me wrong...everyone's intentions are most likely to help you and encourage you. However, you have to understand that your story is your story. No one's marriage will be exactly alike because no one person is exactly alike.

I encourage you to take wisdom from married couples who have healthy marriages. Additionally, I would take wisdom from someone who has been married and notices the mistakes and downfalls from their marriage. In that regard, they are able to properly inform you on what you should avoid and how you can ensure that your marriage succeeds and thrives. The Bible is very clear on the importance of gaining wisdom. Proverbs 4:6-8 says, "Do not abandon wisdom, and it will watch over you. Love wisdom, and it will protect you. The beginning of wisdom is to acquire wisdom. Acquire understanding with all that you have. Cherish wisdom."

The essential part about gathering wisdom is to ensure that the couple or person from which you are getting wisdom has a desire to be Godly and have a Godly marriage. These are the ONLY type of people you will want and need in your ear because they are speaking in line with the word of GOD. You don't want anyone who speaks contrary to the word of GOD to be in your ear. You must learn to guard your heart and your ears from opinions that can potentially have a negative influence on you.

In my marriage, I have learned that there are key couples that my husband and I love to counsel with for wisdom. It's essential to have go-to couples or married friends that can counsel you through hard times and speak LIFE into your marriage. We thank GOD for these amazing friends because they help us become better spouses to each other and they challenge us in our wrongdoings. You want someone like this is your ear. You don't want someone who's speaking death over your marriage.

What does speaking death look like? Well I'm glad you asked. It's that person or that influential TV show or movie that says "Give up on your marriage." "If it's not working, move on," "If he/she isn't satisfying you, find someone else to fill the void," He/She is acting up...get physical to get them in check." All of these negative influences and thoughts can RUIN a great marriage when you have the wrong things and/or people in your ear! GUARD YOUR EAR!

There are have been instances in my marriage where I have been sooooo upset about something and I didn't know what to do at that moment due to being inexperienced in dealing with marital issues. I would often pray about the situation, ask GOD to help me see the situation clearly, and ask GOD to give me wisdom on how to move forward. But I also thank GOD for the amazing married friends and couples who he's placed in my life. I have called one of my best friends who's married several times, texted another at random hours, texted my spiritual father's wife and I've read books written by women who have healthy marriages and desire for yours to thrive. It has truly changed my life! My married friends have encouraged me in hard times and helped me focus on the call on me and my husband's life. They have given me GODLY perspective on situations and they have prayed with me in the midst of the storm. I am forever grateful and I am praying that you too will be blessed with influential people who can be in your life and in your ear.

Once you become married or if you're already married, you must ensure that you are surrounded with people who are rooting for the success of your marriage and not secretly praying for its demise. Fellas, you will want to be around your friends who respect your marriage and your commitment to your wife, not the friend who's trying to keep you living a single life. No sir! Ladies, you will want to be around your girlfriends who are happy for you being married and who are determined not to let you throw in the towel when times get tough. You DEFINITELY do not want that friend who is quick to tell you, "Just let it go," or "Maybe it's time to split ways" in trials and storms. No mam! That's not in line with the word of GOD and therefore you don't need it in your ear.  

Nuggets to remember:
1) Be careful of type of media you are allowing to influence your thoughts, ideas and opinions.

2) Cherish GODLY wisdom gained from others. It will help you navigate through the journey of marriage.

3) Ensure that the people you allow in your ear are speaking in line with the word of GOD, and not contrary to it.

4) Surround yourself with married people and/or a couples that you can go to during hard times who will encourage you in the storm, and not tell you to jump ship.

God Bless!
~CW

#19 ~ Trust GOD's timing!

As you have read in previous posts, I am very much a planner and I love to schedule things for the day, the week and by the hour. At my job, I use Outlook to schedule my day and in my personal life I use Google Calendar. I like to consider myself a very organized individual and I sometimes get frustrated if things don't go according to plan. However, one of the biggest things I have learned in my walk with Christ and ESPECIALLY in my marriage is that we must trust GOD's timing.

GOD is the author of time and therefore is not constrained by our human imagination of how time should be used and constructed. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. That means we don't have to plan every single detail of our life. It's always good to be prepared and we know that faith without WORKS is dead. BUT, we also must understand that GOD is sovereign and has the final say! He knows what's best for us and he won't lead us astray.

GOD is a good father and when I think about GOD, I am reminded of how my father and my Papa (my grandfather) used to discipline and teach me when I was a little girl. I often would be eager to do things before I was able to do so i.e. I wanted to drive before I was 16, I wanted to work before I had a work permit and I wanted to mow the yard before my feet could touch the petals. What can I say? I was an eager, outgoing, excited little girl! LOL! I wanted to do it all! I also would go to the store with my dad and ask him to buy me certain things. For example, I wanted a candy bar, a new doll and a smoothie all before dinner. However, my dad would often tell me the consequences of eating sweets before "real food" and the importance of being grateful for my current dolls and taking care of them before asking for more. At the time, I would get upset and even sad because I wanted my plan to work. Yet, I'm grateful that I had a good father who knew the importance of allowing me to grow in maturity before just giving me what I wanted.

My Papa was the same way. Often times before buying me something, he would make me do an evaluation of myself. As a little girl, he would make me think like someone much older. He would ask me how I'd been in school that week and if I thought I deserved whatever I was asking for at that moment. He then would tell me that he wanted me to make sure I took care of the thing for which I was asking and wanted to make sure that I understood the right timing for receiving different things. For example, I couldn't expect a car until I was ready age-wise and maturity-wise. I had to show him that I was ready to start driving and could handle the responsibility associated with having a car. This is exactly how GOD does us!! He allows us to endure tests, trials and pain to MATURE us. It's not to hurt you dear heart. It's all to make you better. (1 Peter 1:7 ~ These [trials] have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.)

Ultimately, GOD has everything in his hands including your life and every part of your journey. He won't allow your purpose to birth inside of you, get you to the point of it being released and not let it come to fruition. (Isaiah 66:9 ~ Shall I bring to the point of birth and not cause to bring forth?” says the LORD; “shall I, who cause to bring forth, shut the womb?” says your God. 

In marriage, I would often want things to happen at a certain time and tried to plan accordingly. I wanted us to own a home at a certain time, pay off our debt by a certain time, be elevated spiritually at a certain time and the list goes on and on. However, I have realized something very essential: GOD is at the head of your marriage. As we submit to GOD, my husband submits to GOD and I submit to my husband, we are in alignment with our purpose to fulfill GOD's call on our lives. Therefore, since we are in order and aligned, GOD will bless us in his timing and according to HIS will. He even uses the tests and trials of our marriage to mature us and ensure that we are ready for what he has in store for us.

My father wouldn't let me drive his car until he saw how I rode a bike. In the same way, GOD ensures that we are ready and prepared for what he has in store for us by pruning us, grooming us and molding us into his image. He knows everything about us because he created us. Further, he knows ALL things about our journey because he's the author of our life's script and he is sovereign. He's an amazing father and knows when and how things should be done in our lives. Therefore, the key is understanding that his plans are to prosper us and not to harm us, but to give us hope and a future. Trust in his timing!

I leave you with this word of encouragement over your life: Ephesians 3:20-21 ~ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Nuggets to remember:
1) Don't worry yourself crazy by trying to plan every single detail of your life. It may not always go according to your plan and that's okay.

2) GOD is in control of your life and is SOVEREIGN. Therefore, his plan will always trump yours.

3) But don't worry dear heart. GOD is an amazing father and his plans are to prosper you and not to harm you. He knows best!

4) GOD will allow us to endure things to mature us and to make us better. It's all working together for you good!