In today's society, we have soooo many things influencing us on a daily basis. We have the constant penetration of the media and their perception of recent news stories. We have TV shows, movies and even social media sites like Facebook and Instagram that have an influence on us by affecting our thoughts, opinions and ideas on a daily....sometimes hourly basis. So what do we do with those thoughts? How do we keep them under control? I have learned that we must take every thought captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5 ~ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.) In order to be more like JESUS, we must fill ourselves with things and ideas that reflect who he is. We must ensure that our thoughts are pure, lovely, true and edifying. (Phil. 4:8 ~ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.)
When you first get married or even before you say "I Do," you will encounter a lot of marriage "experts." They will tell you their stories and how their first years of marriage were for them and their spouse, tell you about the problems they faced and etc. You will also face those who are not married and have never been married but will feel that they have "wisdom" on how marriage will most likely be. The next group of people you will hear from will be those who were married and are no longer married but they are pros in what you MUST do and what you must NOT do. Don't get me wrong...everyone's intentions are most likely to help you and encourage you. However, you have to understand that your story is your story. No one's marriage will be exactly alike because no one person is exactly alike.
I encourage you to take wisdom from married couples who have healthy marriages. Additionally, I would take wisdom from someone who has been married and notices the mistakes and downfalls from their marriage. In that regard, they are able to properly inform you on what you should avoid and how you can ensure that your marriage succeeds and thrives. The Bible is very clear on the importance of gaining wisdom. Proverbs 4:6-8 says, "Do not abandon wisdom, and it will watch over you. Love wisdom, and it will protect you. The beginning of wisdom is to acquire wisdom. Acquire understanding with all that you have. Cherish wisdom."
The essential part about gathering wisdom is to ensure that the couple or person from which you are getting wisdom has a desire to be Godly and have a Godly marriage. These are the ONLY type of people you will want and need in your ear because they are speaking in line with the word of GOD. You don't want anyone who speaks contrary to the word of GOD to be in your ear. You must learn to guard your heart and your ears from opinions that can potentially have a negative influence on you.
In my marriage, I have learned that there are key couples that my husband and I love to counsel with for wisdom. It's essential to have go-to couples or married friends that can counsel you through hard times and speak LIFE into your marriage. We thank GOD for these amazing friends because they help us become better spouses to each other and they challenge us in our wrongdoings. You want someone like this is your ear. You don't want someone who's speaking death over your marriage.
What does speaking death look like? Well I'm glad you asked. It's that person or that influential TV show or movie that says "Give up on your marriage." "If it's not working, move on," "If he/she isn't satisfying you, find someone else to fill the void," He/She is acting up...get physical to get them in check." All of these negative influences and thoughts can RUIN a great marriage when you have the wrong things and/or people in your ear! GUARD YOUR EAR!
There are have been instances in my marriage where I have been sooooo upset about something and I didn't know what to do at that moment due to being inexperienced in dealing with marital issues. I would often pray about the situation, ask GOD to help me see the situation clearly, and ask GOD to give me wisdom on how to move forward. But I also thank GOD for the amazing married friends and couples who he's placed in my life. I have called one of my best friends who's married several times, texted another at random hours, texted my spiritual father's wife and I've read books written by women who have healthy marriages and desire for yours to thrive. It has truly changed my life! My married friends have encouraged me in hard times and helped me focus on the call on me and my husband's life. They have given me GODLY perspective on situations and they have prayed with me in the midst of the storm. I am forever grateful and I am praying that you too will be blessed with influential people who can be in your life and in your ear.
Once you become married or if you're already married, you must ensure that you are surrounded with people who are rooting for the success of your marriage and not secretly praying for its demise. Fellas, you will want to be around your friends who respect your marriage and your commitment to your wife, not the friend who's trying to keep you living a single life. No sir! Ladies, you will want to be around your girlfriends who are happy for you being married and who are determined not to let you throw in the towel when times get tough. You DEFINITELY do not want that friend who is quick to tell you, "Just let it go," or "Maybe it's time to split ways" in trials and storms. No mam! That's not in line with the word of GOD and therefore you don't need it in your ear.
Nuggets to remember:
1) Be careful of type of media you are allowing to influence your thoughts, ideas and opinions.
2) Cherish GODLY wisdom gained from others. It will help you navigate through the journey of marriage.
3) Ensure that the people you allow in your ear are speaking in line with the word of GOD, and not contrary to it.
4) Surround yourself with married people and/or a couples that you can go to during hard times who will encourage you in the storm, and not tell you to jump ship.
God Bless!
~CW
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