Do you remember playing the game "Follow the Leader" in elementary school? Or "Simon Says?" These games were sooo fun and you only won if you were able to follow exactly what the leader said exactly how they did it. You had to be paying attention to their words and make sure that your actions followed. I often think about the memories of this game and how fun it was to play with my friends. However, the most fun came for me when I was able to be "Simon" or "the leader" because I then could dictate how I wanted the game to go and what moves I wanted the team to follow. It felt good to be in charge.
Weeks before I became a wife, I told myself "Alright it's time for you to submit...he's in charge." I was soooo used to being so independent for such a number of years in college and beyond that I knew it would be an adjustment for me as I would have to now submit to someone else's leadership. In addition, I was raised in a single parent household by my mother for most of my life, so I knew that I had gained valuable life skills and household management techniques that many people haven't received at my age. But one day as I was reflecting, I got a vision of my grandparents. I reflected on how their marriage had been over the years and how my grandmother submitted to my grandfather even when she felt like she knew all of the answers. I also admired how she let him lead the family even when she didn't understand his decision-making process or how he came to the conclusions that he did. It taught me that you don't always have to fully understand the plan to follow it. It also taught me that sometimes even when my grandma knew the questions before my grandpa had even thought of the answers, she learned to trust his leadership.
Now as a wife, I've learned that when I submit to my husband, it doesn't take away my strength at all. Though the myth for many women is that submission equal weakness, this is FAR from the truth. I'm still a strong woman. It actually enhances my strength to be able to submit to his leadership. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:22 ~ "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Therefore, in order for wives to submit to their husband as they do the Lord, they must be in a submissive relationship with GOD FIRST! It's essential to understand that marriage represents the relationship between Jesus and his bride- the church! Once we understand this, we are able to understand our role in a marriage. Our role is to LOVE like Christ loved the church. Our role is also to SUBMIT as the church submits to Christ.
As for me, one of the main things I loved about my husband was his submission to Christ. Therefore, it was easier to submit than I thought it would be because I realized that as my husband submitted to Christ, I was able to submit to him because I knew he was seeking counsel from the Lord. Before every decision, he would pray about what to do. For major decisions, we would both pray and fast together. When he was confused about what to do, he would pray. When he was discouraged, he would pray. This was extremely encouraging to me to see the head of my household praying about every decision because he valued his role of leading me.
Being the independent person that I am, I would often question some of my husband's decisions and even his decision making. However, over time I've realized that GOD loves me sooooo much that he gave me a man who's a natural born leader. He is gifted in leading and directing so some things were second nature for him. Other things that he didn't have much experience in or he didn't have much knowledge about were things that I did. The great thing is that we balance each other out. I learned that I was weak where he was strong and he was strong where I was weak. His strengths covered my weaknesses and mine did the same for him. We realized how much we were a TEAM! It's not always super easy at first but once you understand that GOD has divine order in making your husband the head of the household, you are better able to follow the leader.
Nuggets to remember:
1) Trusting your spouse means trusting their leadership. This means submitting even when you may know the answers far before your spouse even knows the questions.
2) Marriage represents the relationship between CHRIST and his bride- the church.
3) Pray that your spouse will be lead by the Holy Spirit as he leads you. When you do, he'll lead you as Christ leads him for your family.
4) Your strengths and weaknesses will balance each other out. You're a team and together you both will achieve more!
God Bless!
~ CW
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