One of my little sister and I's favorite movies is called "Monster-in-Law." If you've ever seen it, you probably share our love for its humor and hilarious jokes as Jennifer Lopez battles with what seems like the worst mother in law ever! Every single time we watch the movie, we are in tears laughing at the scenarios with the future mother in law who doesn't feel like Charlie (Jennifer Lopez's character) will ever be good enough for her son. Though this is an amazing movie, the sad thing is that there are real mother in laws out there who make their daughter in law feel this way. There are even families who make a newly gained member feel unwelcomed, unloved or inadequate. Perhaps you're married and feel that way now. Or perhaps you're about to get married and you're dreading becoming family members with some of your future spouse's family. Welp! I have great news beloved. God is marrying you into that family for a reason and it may be even greater than just for your spouse.
As soon as I met my husband's family, I was in love with their joy, love and laughter! They reminded me a lot of my family. However, I did have questions about if his mother liked me when I first met her. She wasn't outgoing and loving like she is now that I know her. She seemed very conservative, reserved and asked a lot of thought-provoking questions. I realize now that she was trying to ensure that I was ready for marriage, mature enough to be a wife and the right one for her son. And guess what? After she got a chance to know me and I got a chance to know her, I realized how much she reminded me of my own mother. She was loving and nurturing, yet very protective of her sons. She was also very wise, yet usually knew how to listen to other people's thoughts and perspectives on things. She was truly a gem and an answered prayer: a mother in law who would love me like I was her own.
When men first get married, they endure the hard part of leaving home and leaving their mothers behind especially if raised by a single mother. However, the Bible says in Ephesians 5:31 ~ "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."This verse tells us that a man must leave his place of comfort and cleave to his wife. The word "cleave" means to to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly. This definition is powerful as it shows us how important it is for a man to become adhered to his wife firmly and unwaveringly. In the good times fellas, you must cleave. In the bad times, you must cleave as well. The definition says UNWAVERINGLY and LOYALLY. To not waver and to be loyal means to stay committed in spite of the circumstances. You must realize that your wife now comes first. Ladies, you must realize that your husband now comes first. You are one and you are united.
I have truly been blessed to marry into an amazing family, but there were some rocky moments. I had to realize that my husband's family is very "blunt" and upfront and they sometimes "say it how they feel it." I'm a very sensitive person and thus I try to be very conscious of how I say things to people and think about how it will make them feel. Therefore, when they would say certain things, I would get offended and my feelings would be hurt by it. But GOD showed me the importance of loving people where they are and showing grace. I knew that despite their words hurting, their intentions were not to hurt me because they were genuinely loving people. I also learned that new relationships take some getting used to as you learn people's personalities and characteristics. It's all apart of life! Remember my blog post titled "Tomayto or Tomahto." I learned that though our delivery may be different, we still all had the same thing at the core: love.
Dear sis, I know his family may get on your nerves or make you feel frustrated when you're around them but pray for the Lord to work on your heart. Pray for the Lord to help you love them with grace and show them the love of Christ. It may seem like it will never change, but gradually you will see a change in your heart and in your perspective. It's essential to pray for the Lord to give you his eyes for people so that you can see them the way that he would- with love.
Brother, I know her family may rub you the wrong way and maybe her mom or dad don't give you the love you think you deserve. But don't be dismayed. If you and your spouse/future spouse truly believe that GOD has brought you together, you must stand on his promise to you and go forward. Don't become discouraged by family discord or chaos. Stay adhered to one another and allow Christ to mold you and shape you in the midst of the discomfort or disheartening. It will make you stronger and wiser if you trust the process and ask for discernment in the midst of it all.
Nuggets to remember:
1) Your marriage to your spouse is for a greater purpose than just being united with him/her. You're marrying into that family for a reason.
2) Marriage means you must leave and cleave to your spouse. This means to adhere unwaveringly.
3) God will help you to love people with grace and understanding.
4) God will use situations of family discord and discomfort to make you stronger and wiser. Trust the process.
God Bless!
~ CW
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