Has someone ever said something to you that resonated with you hours later...even days or weeks later? You can be in the grocery store or riding in your car and you all of sudden hear their words all over again. When those words are positive, it's a beautiful feeling afterwards. But boy oh boy, when those words are negative IT HURTS! Those words feel like knives in your heart as you start to replay the words in your mind. The old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is such a myth. I can't help but wonder who came up with that phrase and why it became so popular because it's certainly not true.
By nature, I am a very sensitive person and thus I aim to be conscious of people's feelings when I say things. But, I am human. Therefore, I don't always say things the way I should or in a loving way. However, I learned before marriage that the words of a wife can build or break her husband. You can make a man feel like he can conquer the world with the right words. Likewise, a woman's words can also make a man feel so defeated and disheartened that he can feel hopeless.
As a wife, I realized that I hold such value to my husband that my words must be edifying and spoken in LOVE. Even if you feel right in what you're saying, you must be conscious of your delivery. Often times it's not the words that make the difference, it's the WAY the words are delivered (i.e. the tone). There have been times where I say something to my husband and it causes an intense fellowship because how I said caused hurt. A few minutes later, he'll come to me and say that I was right in what I said or that I had a point, but that the way it was said or the timing of when I said it was hurtful. Thus, it's essential to be aware of how and when you say things. If your husband's car breaks down, that's probably not the best time to respond with, "I told you that you need to do better with car maintenance...actually I've BEEN saying that for a while now....see that's what happens when you don't listen..." Bad timing dear heart...bad timing. Instead, help with the current situation, bite your tongue and speak life into the situation. Don't let that tongue do damage. Look what the Bible says about the tongue...
(Prov. 18:21 ~ Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.)
(James 3:5-6 ~ So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.)
Therefore, it's important to keep your tongue and your words in control. When your flesh feels like you just HAVE to say it, restrain. Use self-control and allow the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom on what's best to say at that moment, if anything at all. Though the childhood phrase mentioned above is not true, there is another phrase that I learned as a child that is VERY true. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." In moments where feel that your words may cause hurt or bring forth negativity, it's usually best to not say anything at all and pray instead. Wait until the Holy Spirit gives you wisdom in HOW and WHEN to say it. Let's be mindful of what the Bible tells us in James 1:19 ~ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
The enemy will often change an atmosphere of peace that you have in your home, your car, or wherever you are by stirring up conflict and confusion through words. DON'T LET HIM. Be warned that he is the author of confusion and thus only wants to see your marriage destroyed with fighting, arguing and constant tearing down with words. Again, I warn you to BE ON GUARD. (1 Peter 5:8 ~ Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.) Let GOD arise in your marriage and every enemy be scattered!
Nuggets to remember:
1) Know your value and how your words impact your spouse. When not spoken in love or at the right timing, words can HURT. Words have the power to build or break your spouse. Learn to BUILD them up and not tear them down.
2) When you don't know what to say, sometimes it's best to say nothing and pray instead.
3) Be slow to speak and quick to listen. You learn how to best respond when you're listening to the person's point of view and seeking to understand.
4) Be alert and know that the enemy desires to allow words to tear your marriage apart. Don't let him! Fight him by going to GOD in prayer and declaring peace over your marriage! He makes his ears bleed and sends him running.
God Bless!
~ CW
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