#6 ~ Don't Stop Cheering

As a young girl, I remember being a cheerleader in elementary school for a Bethesda Athletic Club League in Durham, in middle school for Chewning Middle School, and in high school taking cheer training at the Museum of Life and Science. I loved being a cheerleader because I could wear cute uniforms, cheer loud for my school and do fun cheers, stunts and jumps. Essentially, the cheerleaders served as the motivators for the team as they worked to win the game. And guess what the best part about being a cheerleader was? It was when we were told that we actually apart of the team. The football and basketball coaches told us that we were not merely girls jumping and screaming for victory, but we were often the motivation and "push" that made the victory possible.

In marriage, you and your spouse are on ONE team. Therefore, it's essential to make sure you're on the team wholeheartedly and you are giving 100% effort to gain the victory. You have to make sure you are on one accord by being on the same page. This means that you must have a game plan and you each must KNOW what the game plan entails. If one of you knows the game plan and the other is confused about where you are headed or what you are doing as a family, you will breed an atmosphere of confusion and chaos. In the NBA, if any team gathers together to go over the plays and one team member is confused, it will show up on the court. Likewise, if the coach discusses a game plan before going onto the court and the team is totally confused about each of their positions, the game will be a disaster for that team and will result in a loss for them. Furthermore, each team member must be supportive of the other and eliminate all envy and jealousy for the betterment of the team. If you have team members who are competing against each other instead of working together, it will result in a loss for the team.

I have learned that marriage is the same exact way. We are a team and therefore we must each know the game plan in order to have success in our marriage. Likewise, we must support each other. It's not a competition between my husband and I because when he wins, so do I! And when I win, so does he! We're ONE so it doesn't matter who shoots the game winning buzzer shot. As long as the ball goes in, we both WIN!

God tells us in his Word, in Amos 3:3, "Can two walk together, unless they have agreed?" This verse means that there is no way two people can walk together as one unit unless they agree on where they are going and in what direction they are going. It's essential to have oneness and agreement. Next, the Bible tells us, in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ~ "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up..."This is ESSENTIAL in marriage because support is the driving force that makes you want to be a better you.

Now let me be very clear. Your aim should never be to change your spouse, because you should marry them with the thought in mind that they may never change. I often tell people to ask themselves, "If he or she never changed from how they are right now, could I be content with who they are?" If the answer is no, then you aren't ready to marry that person. If the answer is yes, you must truly embrace that and realize that you must be comfortable with who they are. Now....being comfortable with them does not mean never pushing them to be their best. There have been so many nights when I've felt like giving up and throwing in the towel on various tasks and assignments in life. However, I pray and feel the presence of the Lord telling me to keep pushing forward. In addition, my husband echoes the voice of the Lord when he tells me not to quit and to stay focused on the goal ahead. It's a beautiful thing and an encouraging feeling to know that he supports me and believes in me.

In the same way, my husband faces moments of frustration and has days where he's discouraged and disheartened. However, I aim to stay conscious about being super supportive of his goals and dreams, and pushing him to never give up. When he gets lazy on a particular task, I ask him multiple times in a week about his progress on the task to keep him motivated. In addition, I ensure that I am not being "nagging," and instead being "nurturing" in my tone. If he has a weight loss goal, I don't throw it in his face when he's eating cookies at night. However, if we're out at the mall together and he's debating on a fruit smoothie or a Dairy Queen Blizzard, I quickly tell him that I think the fruit smoothie may be better for his health. It's all in the tone of love and nourishment which comforts him and makes him feel supported in his goals. Furthermore, my response of support shows that I know our game plan concerning our health and fitness and I have wholeheartedly latched on to the plan.

When you are latched together, you stay connected and allow nothing to come between you. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:12 ~ ...."Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A three strand cord is not easily broken."When you stay connected with your spouse and the game plan that GOD has given you for your lives, you grasp the importance of latching on to your spouse. God created you as ONE and therefore desires for you to bring him glory as ONE. You can only do so in agreement. Therefore, it's essential to make sure you both understand the game plan, embrace it, follow it together, and become the best that you each can be with the other by your side...constantly cheering, supporting and giving you the fist bump of motivation that you need.

Nuggets to remember:
1) Your spouse is not your competition. You are a TEAM.

2) In order to win the game, you must know the game plan and be ALL in.

3) The key to success is supporting your spouse, not envying or showing jealousy towards one another.

4) God made you ONE unit when you became ONE in HIM. Stay latched on to one another and don't stop encouraging each other to be the best you can be.

God Bless!
~ CW

#7 ~ Eliminate the Drama

Have you ever been around someone who allllllways had something going on? It's almost as if they thrive off of chaos, conflict and confusion right? If things are going peaceful, they don't feel content until there's some type of drama present. Whew! Isn't it frustrating? Trust me, dear heart. You're not alone and you're not the only person who has experienced this type of frustration. I have learned that some people are so accustomed to drama that they don't know how to experience peace, calm and order.

The interesting part about drama is that even if you try your very best to keep it out of your marriage, it can try to creep its way in. In John 10:10, the Bible tells us that "the thief cometh, so that he may steal, kill and destroy." This "thief" refers to the devil and his tactics to steal your joy, peace and order and to destroy it. His goal is to destroy you, your marriage and your happiness. Therefore, you have to talk hold of it and be steadfast about not letting anything or anyone steal your joy. The Bible says in 1 Peter 5:8 ~ Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. This means you must be aware of his schemes and tactics and take authority against him!

Although my husband and I both LOVE our families, we found that when we got married, we got consumed with what was going on in other people's lives. We wanted so desperately to see our family doing well and cared so much for them that we wanted to fix their situations. We found ourselves talking for hours sometimes about family issues and different circumstance. One night we even got in an argument because someone's situation led us to have different viewpoints and caused drama amongst us. All of sudden, we realized that the drama from that situation had filtered into our home and we were NOT having it. We made a decision that from that point on, we would not allow other people's circumstances to weigh us down so much to the point of becoming chaotic in our home. We realized that what had occurred was a transference of spirits. The spirits of chaos has tried to transfer onto us. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. This verse helps us to stay alert and stay on guard for the spiritual warfare that's among us. 

Typically, we both have very busy schedules during the day as we both work, manage ministry, and for me, complete school work since I am a full-time student as well. When we are constantly going and going and going during the day, we want to finally relax when we get home. I strongly believe that home is a place of refuge and should be a place of rest, relaxation and comfort. After a day of "tornadoes" and "hurricanes," I believe that your home should give you rest after the rain. Now I know that if you have children, you may be saying, "Lady please...my home is hectic and filled with screaming babies and children when I get home." However, even if this is the case, home should still give a sense of peace and comfort that work and daily errands and tasks don't give you. Cherish your sweet place of peace at home and eliminate the unnecessary drama.

Hard times WILL come, disagreements WILL happen and some days WILL be tough. However, it's very important to understand that some problems aren't worth arguing about. There are some issues that instead of being so on edge, learn to appreciate the small things and understand that everything is not worth a big explosion. With some disagreements, my husband and I even learned to laugh them off. It's not always THAT big of a deal that you may be trying to make it. Understand that life is too short and moments are too meaningful to spend every one of them upset, angry, mad or frustrated. Enjoy the moment! Remember my blog post, "Carpe Diem." ;-) 

If you have a loving heart and are compassionate for people and family, it will be hard at times to disengage from what's going on. However, after you offer prayer and serve as a comfort for that person or family member, you have to learn to let it go. Carry those burdens to the Lord and LEAVE THEM THERE. You can't carry people's troubles on your back, neither can you put pressure on yourself to fix them. Unless the Holy Spirit has given you direction and instruction to intervene and help this person or given you resources to change the situation, you can't make yourself responsible. GOD is in control, GOD is sovereign, and GOD is the only one who can fix every situation. Therefore, instead of taking on drama well after the discussion about it is over, eliminate it. When you get home, relax and let it go. Give those burdens to GOD and let him have his way. He loves to take your stressing and turn it into a blessing!

Nuggets to remember:
1) The devil comes to kill, steal and destroy. Don't let him! Be on guard!

2) Keep your home a place of peace, rest and relaxation, and don't allow the drama of others to transfer into your home. 

3) The key to eliminating unnecessary drama is realizing that every issue doesn't warrant an argument. 

4) Understand that you can love others, but don't carry their burdens. Give it to GOD!

God Bless!
~ CW

#8 ~ Embrace the new beginnings!

Today is such a beautiful day as I watch my social media timelines fill with graduation excitement! This is the time of year where people are achieving their goals, celebrating milestones and getting ready to embark on their career paths. What a beautiful day to give GOD glory! If you've attended trade school, seminary, college, graduate school, professional school, or any type of school, you know about the long days of classes and/or work and short nights of staying up late to do school work. You also know about the days when you feel like giving up and throwing in the towel. Yet, it's all apart of the process when you're working hard to achieve a goal.

When I reflect back on what got me through and what currently gets me through those hard school days, I am often reminded of why I'm there in the first place. I know that GOD has called me to do a great work for his Kingdom and for his glory. When I think about giving up, I am reminded of the youth that I know I am called to advocate for in the court system. When I get frustrated, I am reminded of the women in abusive situations who need a way out and don't know how to get legal help. I also envision the numbers of people who will be impacted by the non-profit organizations that I know GOD has given me the vision to build. Those reflections make the blood, sweat and tears all worth it because I realize that it's for a bigger purpose than my own.

In the same way, marriage is such a beautiful season of life and symbolizes a new beginning and a fresh start. However, the process to get to marriage, like the process to graduation, can sometimes be a struggle. The wedding planning can turn you into a Bridezilla, getting to know your future spouse can reveal things that are frustrating, and thinking about how your life is about to change can feel overwhelming. Then, after the big day comes, you may feel frustrated with different things about your new life, much like a graduate heading into the workforce feels after being a student for so many years. However, you have to understand the bigger purpose. As you embark on this new journey with your spouse, think about what purpose GOD has on your life and how he wants you to change the world. Where will your new beginning lead you?

When I first moved to Chicago, I didn't like the traffic and I didn't know how to get around places without a GPS. Therefore, I always felt lost and thus got frustrated. However, when I moved here I knew that I wasn't originally from here and would have to learn how to maneuver. Yet, I wasn't embracing the new beginnings yet. In addition, I didn't like the weather and would get mad when the wind would blow in my face. But, I knew before moving to Chicago that Chicago is known for its wind and harsh winters. I just hadn't embraced that it was a new beginning. In Isaiah 43:19, God says, " Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?" Therefore, we must learn to embrace the new and expect for GOD to bring forth new things that are different from the old, but better overall for his purpose.

Now although we like to get excited about new beginnings and wait in anticipation for them, they don't always come how we think they will. Sometimes new beginnings come from things being destroyed first. In Isaiah 37:3, the Bible says, "He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" I said, "Sovereign LORD, you alone know." I encourage you to ask yourself today: What dry bones do I have that the Lord may be trying to revive? I'm sure there's something that you thought had no hope or even it's YOU that you're thinking about. Perhaps you thought the Lord gave up on you a long time ago and you're considering yourself  "dry bones." I'm here to tell you today that GOD is a GOD of restoration. Often times, the Lord will totally destroy something to rebuild it better than before. He did it several times in his Word. He destroyed the Earth in Genesis with the flood to restore it with his love and his promise that he would never do so again. He tore the veil in the temple to demonstrate his love and relationship with us showing that he could rebuild himself and revive himself in 3 days with more power than before when he conquered death. He also rebuilt people. For example, he brought Saul to a low point of surrendering before converting him to Paul. That's how GOD works! He breaks things and people down to rebuild them better than before. What an awesome GOD!

The Bible says, "The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty." Furthermore, it says in Job 8:7 ~ And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. This is encouraging as it lets us know that GOD intends for our latter to be greater than our beginning. The best is yet to come!! In order for you to experience GOD's best, just keep on living.

Many times you will hear people say, "If you make it through your first year of marriage, you can make it through the rest." However, I believe that you can make your marriage work if you're determined to see the best that's yet to come! This means that you don't necessarily have to keep up with the thought of "If it's more than "X" years that I've went through with you, then we can make it," but living your life fully by enjoying the moments and enduring the trials and tests together with the promise in mind that GOD is going to make your future together greater than your past. Embrace those new beginnings! It may look cloudy now, but remember storms and troubles don't last always. ("...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." ~ Psalm 30:5)

Nuggets to remember:
1) When you think about giving up, reflect on what the BIGGER purpose is for why you are where you are.

2) As you embark on your new season of marriage, think about exactly what the new beginnings will entail for you and prepare your mind to embrace them.

3) God breaks things and people down to rebuild them better than they were before!

4) Realize that the best is yet to come! Just keep on living and prepare to experience GOD's best for your life!

God Bless!
~ CW

#9 ~ False Superheroes

 

When I was a kid, I remember watching Power Rangers and thinking I wanted to be the Pink Power Ranger. The Power Rangers were so cool to me and always saved the day by beating up the bad guys. I wanted to be apart of their team because they fixed problems and created solutions. It seemed like a perfect job. When someone was in trouble, they came to the rescue! When the world needed them, they were right there to save the day! Ahhh what amazing superheroes they were.

In addition to Power Rangers, I loved Batman. I thought he was so cool and distinguished because he could go from wearing a suit as Bruce Wayne to being (theme music please...) Batman! Oh yea! Batman was THE MAN! He was so sheek and sly that he could save the day and you not even see him because of his speed. His costume, his Batmobile and his deep voice made him one of the greatest superheroes of all time.

However, the realistic fact about both of these superheroes is that they aren't real at all. They are fictional characters created by skilled writers. Yet, they have become cartoon legends with new movies coming out periodically that skyrocket in ticket sales.

Why do they have such an impact? Because they are classic cartoon heroes that give the depiction that they can save the world! It's great to love these superheroes as characters, but what happens when you think that your spouse should embody the same characteristics? Hmmmm....you actually find yourself putting a cape on someone who's not able nor worthy to be compared to be the ultimate problem solver- JESUS.

When I first got married, I loved that my husband was the ultimate "fixer." If something went wrong with my car, he was quick to try to fix it. If something wasn't working in our apartment, he immediately became the family personal handy man. It was an amazing feeling that as soon as I became a "damsel in distress," he came to my rescue. However, I created an unhealthy expectation of my husband. I started to think that he was supposed to be able to fix EVERY THING and EVERY SITUATION. It was really outrageous now that I look back because I would go into "spoiled brat mode." If I was nervous about seeing a rodent downtown and he didn't shield me or walk with me to avoid it from happening, I would get upset. When we were robbed, I immediately thought, "How did this happen to us? Fix it!" When we got flooded, I was so frustrated and started thinking, "Husbanddddd, fix this mess pleeeeeeease!" Then all of a sudden, one day as we were riding in the car together, the Holy Spirit convicted me BIG TIME! I heard the Lord so clearly say, "I'm the only hero. Only I can fix what you're going through and only I can solve your problems. Lean on ME. Trust in ME. Your husband is a man that I created. Therefore, he needs ME to do ALL things."

Whew! Talk about powerful....all I could do was weep and worship GOD the entire rest of the ride and night. Philippians 4:9 says, "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." This verse encourages us to know that every need we have WILL be met by God. He will never leave us nor forsake us and he is a very present help in the time of trouble. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalm 46:1) That means he's always with us! The word "present" means NOW! He's with you right now. He hasn't left and he won't leave. He's always with you to protect you, to keep you and to provide for you. He's a GOOD Father and he takes GOOD care of his children.

Although superheroes are cool and I love watching the new movies featuring their stories, I am so grateful that I was saved by the ULTIMATE superhero: JESUS CHRIST! When Jesus died for my sins and took me out of my mess to make me new, he saved my life. When he made me in his image and submerged me with his love, he saved me. (Genesis 1:27 ~ So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.) When I confessed as an 8-year-old little girl the confession of faith and prayed the prayer of salvation, he saved me! What a blessing! He also rescued me from the path of destruction consumed by my flesh because it would have lead me straight to hell. What an amazing GOD! Who wouldn't serve a GOD like that?

His love never fails and his grace and mercy is new every single morning. (Lamentations 3:23 ~ Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.) Often times, I know that the Lord should discipline me and will get me aligned with his will by giving me tests and trials. Yet, in the midst of everything, when I lay before him and get in his presence, he encaptures me with his love before he disciplines me. He romances my heart with his adoration for me and he comforts my soul as he lets me know that he's there in the midst of the storm. When you fall in love with the Savior of our souls, you realize that no other superhero can compete. You also learn that your spouse is totally dependent on HIM as the source, so your focus changes.

I started to pray for my husband even more and prayed that his dependence would be totally and completely on GOD. I prayed that his mind would be regulated so that he would think the thoughts of GOD. I prayed that his spiritual ears would be opened so that he could hear the voice of GOD. I prayed for his mouth to be purified so that he would speak the word of GOD and I prayed that his hands would be that of a worshipper allowing GOD to bless everything he touched. My prayers ultimately changed from my attention being on him fixing the problems to THE problem solver giving him wisdom on how to do so. GOD CAN DO ANYTHING, and without him we are nothing. We are merely existing when we live without the light and pulse of Jesus running through our veins. I encourage you to get into his presence today if you haven't already. His love will change your perspective, take away your doubts, concerns and fears, and alter the course of your thinking. Oh how he loves you! Dig in today and receive his love!

Nuggets to remember:
1) Your spouse is not a superhero, so they are not the ultimate problem solver or fixer.

2) In order for your spouse to function at their maximum potential, they must be connected to the source: JESUS CHRIST, who will give them wisdom on how to do what needs to be done.

3) Stop with the unrealistic expectations you have of your spouse. Turn your attention towards JESUS and away from the "false superhero" you've created in your mind.

4) God will meet all of your needs and will never leave you. Take time to get in his presence. You may go in burdened, but I guarantee that you'll experience a change in your perspective and leave with the burdens off of your shoulders.

God Bless!
~ CW

#10 ~ "Connect to the Call"

Have you ever really asked yourself, "What is GOD's call on my life?" "What is my purpose?" "What was I created to do?" If not, you are not alone. I have learned that many people go to work and/or school, pick up their kids from school, go home, fix dinner, watch TV, go to bed and get up to do it all over again. Yet, in the midst of doing all of this, they never find their true passion. They never find out what GOD has called them to do and who he's called them to be in life. For some, the word "call" is often associated with ministry and being a minister in a mic. But dear heart, your call may not necessarily involve being a preacher and that's okay. Every one has their own distinct ministry in that you have your own gifts and talents that you bring to the world. Yours may be serving others, encouraging other people, teaching children, playing an instrument, controlling media at your church, or organizing events.

If you're a teacher, perhaps your call is to children and creating future leaders. If you're a lawyer, perhaps your call is to bring forth justice in the judicial system. If you're a doctor, perhaps your call is to help heal others and help them through medical situations. If you work in a bank, your call may be to help people manage money. Or perhaps you're working somewhere right now where you don't feel like you're walking in your call at all. You may say, "I work at Starbucks...that's not a career so it can't be my call." I disagree. Though Starbucks may not be your desired life-long career, your call at the job is to connect with people and share the love of CHRIST in everything you do. If you work at a particular place, the light and love of JESUS should follow you. At each season of your life, you will find that GOD has given you a purpose for why you're there at that particular time. Even if you're working a job temporarily, I encourage you to ask GOD "Why am I here?" "What is your purpose for me here?"

Once you understand your true calling, you can then understand how to connect with someone else's. It is essential for you to know your call before marriage because who you marry is essential! Your call must be connected to that of your spouses in order for you both to have maximum fulfillment in your marriage. For my husband and I, we knew when we were courting that we both had a passion for ministry and youth. We were both ministers and we knew that the call on our lives was to impact the lives of others by sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm passionate about women's ministry and empowering young women at a young age and beyond. My husband is passionate about empowering young men and ministering to men at all ages, and we both desire to pastor a church where we can build relationships and help people grow in CHRIST. My long-term career goal is to become a judge in the juvenile court system after serving as an attorney for juvenile offenders and domestic violence victims. In addition, I want to start a non-profit organization with multiple locations for youth and victims of domestic violence around the world. In alignment with that call, my husband currently works as a Program Director where the mission of the organization is to defend fatherless teens through life-on-life relationships. At first glance, you may say "Wow! Your calls definitely connect but my spouse/future spouse and I don't have that!"

I encourage you and your spouse/future spouse to pray about your passions and purpose. If you are a praise dancer and he's a worship leader, your calls are indeed connected: You both love worship and desire to lead people into the presence of GOD. If you are a social worker for high-schoolers and he works as a personal trainer, you may feel like your calls aren't connected, but go beyond the job. What is your passion? What do you love to do regardless of being paid? If you both have a heart for people, that may be your call. If you have a desire to uplift and inspire people through fitness and healthy living, that may be your call. If you both love to work with children and help them succeed, that may be your call. Whatever it is, find out and move forward with pursuing it!

In the Bible, in Genesis 2:4-3:24, God created Eve for Adam because their calls were connected. God brought them together to bring more glory to himself. If you notice, Eve wasn't created and then immediately afterwards quoted in the Bible saying, "I really don't want to be out here. This is just NOT for me." She was connected to what GOD had called Adam to do and she did it fully. If you look at Abraham's wife, Sarah, Boaz's wife, Ruth and even Queen Esther, you will see that they connected with their husband's calls and followed wholeheartedly. Likewise, their husbands connected with them and they were in sync with their dual purpose.

It may seem difficult at first to understand why GOD has called you and your spouse/future spouse together. But don't be dismayed. Pray about it! The Lord is listening and eager to give you guidance and direction. Find out what the Lord is saying about your joint purpose and call together as one unit. It will be an amazing experience to embark on the journey together for GOD's glory. Matthew 7:7 says, ""Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Go to the throne of GOD boldly and ask him what he's called you to do. And if you already know what GOD has called you to do- get busy! The Bible says, "Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few ~ Matt. 9:37. This means that there are plenty of people who need CHRIST, but the people working to lead them to him are few. The world needs you! Whatever you call is, connect to it, plug in and give it your all.

Nuggets to remember:
1)  Every one has their own distinct ministry in that you have your own gifts and talents that you bring to the world.

2) If you're not sure about your purpose and call, pray and ask GOD to reveal it to you.

3) Your call must be connected to your spouse's, even if outside of your careers, in order to have maximum fulfillment in your marriage.

4) Once you find out what your call, passion and purpose is, connect to the call and give it your all! There are lives waiting on you and your spouse to impact the world.

God Bless!
~ CW

#11 ~ "What's yours is mine...what's mine is yours"

One of my little sister and I's favorite movies is called "Monster-in-Law." If you've ever seen it, you probably share our love for its humor and hilarious jokes as Jennifer Lopez battles with what seems like the worst mother in law ever! Every single time we watch the movie, we are in tears laughing at the scenarios with the future mother in law who doesn't feel like Charlie (Jennifer Lopez's character) will ever be good enough for her son. Though this is an amazing movie, the sad thing is that there are real mother in laws out there who make their daughter in law feel this way. There are even families who make a newly gained member feel unwelcomed, unloved or inadequate. Perhaps you're married and feel that way now. Or perhaps you're about to get married and you're dreading becoming family members with some of your future spouse's family. Welp! I have great news beloved. God is marrying you into that family for a reason and it may be even greater than just for your spouse.

As soon as I met my husband's family, I was in love with their joy, love and laughter! They reminded me a lot of my family. However, I did have questions about if his mother liked me when I first met her. She wasn't outgoing and loving like she is now that I know her. She seemed very conservative, reserved and asked a lot of thought-provoking questions. I realize now that she was trying to ensure that I was ready for marriage, mature enough to be a wife and the right one for her son. And guess what? After she got a chance to know me and I got a chance to know her, I realized how much she reminded me of my own mother. She was loving and nurturing, yet very protective of her sons. She was also very wise, yet usually knew how to listen to other people's thoughts and perspectives on things. She was truly a gem and an answered prayer: a mother in law who would love me like I was her own. 

When men first get married, they endure the hard part of leaving home and leaving their mothers behind especially if raised by a single mother. However, the Bible says in Ephesians 5:31 ~ "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."This verse tells us that a man must leave his place of comfort and cleave to his wife. The word "cleave" means to to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly. This definition is powerful as it shows us how important it is for a man to become adhered to his wife firmly and unwaveringly. In the good times fellas, you must cleave. In the bad times, you must cleave as well. The definition says UNWAVERINGLY and LOYALLY. To not waver and to be loyal means to stay committed in spite of the circumstances. You must realize that your wife now comes first. Ladies, you must realize that your husband now comes first. You are one and you are united. 

I have truly been blessed to marry into an amazing family, but there were some rocky moments. I had to realize that my husband's family is very "blunt" and upfront and they sometimes "say it how they feel it." I'm a very sensitive person and thus I try to be very conscious of how I say things to people and think about how it will make them feel. Therefore, when they would say certain things, I would get offended and my feelings would be hurt by it. But GOD showed me the importance of loving people where they are and showing grace. I knew that despite their words hurting, their intentions were not to hurt me because they were genuinely loving people. I also learned that new relationships take some getting used to as you learn people's personalities and characteristics. It's all apart of life! Remember my blog post titled "Tomayto or Tomahto." I learned that though our delivery may be different, we still all had the same thing at the core: love. 

 

Dear sis, I know his family may get on your nerves or make you feel frustrated when you're around them but pray for the Lord to work on your heart. Pray for the Lord to help you love them with grace and show them the love of Christ. It may seem like it will never change, but gradually you will see a change in your heart and in your perspective. It's essential to pray for the Lord to give you his eyes for people so that you can see them the way that he would- with love.

 

Brother, I know her family may rub you the wrong way and maybe her mom or dad don't give you the love you think you deserve. But don't be dismayed. If you and your spouse/future spouse truly believe that GOD has brought you together, you must stand on his promise to you and go forward. Don't become discouraged by family discord or chaos. Stay adhered to one another and allow Christ to mold you and shape you in the midst of the discomfort or disheartening. It will make you stronger and wiser if you trust the process and ask for discernment in the midst of it all. 

 

Nuggets to remember:

1) Your marriage to your spouse is for a greater purpose than just being united with him/her. You're marrying into that family for a reason.

2) Marriage means you must leave and cleave to your spouse. This means to adhere unwaveringly.

3) God will help you to love people with grace and understanding.

4) God will use situations of family discord and discomfort to make you stronger and wiser. Trust the process.

God Bless!

~ CW 

#12 ~ Follow the Leader

Do you remember playing the game "Follow the Leader" in elementary school? Or "Simon Says?" These games were sooo fun and you only won if you were able to follow exactly what the leader said exactly how they did it. You had to be paying attention to their words and make sure that your actions followed. I often think about the memories of this game and how fun it was to play with my friends. However, the most fun came for me when I was able to be "Simon" or "the leader" because I then could dictate how I wanted the game to go and what moves I wanted the team to follow. It felt good to be in charge.

 

 

Weeks before I became a wife, I told myself "Alright it's time for you to submit...he's in charge." I was soooo used to being so independent for such a number of years in college and beyond that I knew it would be an adjustment for me as I would have to now submit to someone else's leadership. In addition, I was raised in a single parent household by my mother for most of my life, so I knew that I had gained valuable life skills and household management techniques that many people haven't received at my age. But one day as I was reflecting, I got a vision of my grandparents. I reflected on how their marriage had been over the years and how my grandmother submitted to my grandfather even when she felt like she knew all of the answers. I also admired how she let him lead the family even when she didn't understand his decision-making process or how he came to the conclusions that he did. It taught me that you don't always have to fully understand the plan to follow it. It also taught me that sometimes even when my grandma knew the questions before my grandpa had even thought of the answers, she learned to trust his leadership.

 

Now as a wife, I've learned that when I submit to my husband, it doesn't take away my strength at all. Though the myth for many women is that submission equal weakness, this is FAR from the truth. I'm still a strong woman. It actually enhances my strength to be able to submit to his leadership. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:22 ~ "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Therefore, in order for wives to submit to their husband as they do the Lord, they must be in a submissive relationship with GOD FIRST! It's essential to understand that marriage represents the relationship between Jesus and his bride- the church! Once we understand this, we are able to understand our role in a marriage. Our role is to LOVE like Christ loved the church. Our role is also to SUBMIT as the church submits to Christ.

 

As for me, one of the main things I loved about my husband was his submission to Christ. Therefore, it was easier to submit than I thought it would be because I realized that as my husband submitted to Christ, I was able to submit to him because I knew he was seeking counsel from the Lord. Before every decision, he would pray about what to do. For major decisions, we would both pray and fast together. When he was confused about what to do, he would pray. When he was discouraged, he would pray. This was extremely encouraging to me to see the head of my household praying about every decision because he valued his role of leading me.

 

Being the independent person that I am, I would often question some of my husband's decisions and even his decision making. However, over time I've realized that GOD loves me sooooo much that he gave me a man who's a natural born leader. He is gifted in leading and directing so some things were second nature for him. Other things that he didn't have much experience in or he didn't have much knowledge about were things that I did. The great thing is that we balance each other out. I learned that I was weak where he was strong and he was strong where I was weak. His strengths covered my weaknesses and mine did the same for him. We realized how much we were a TEAM! It's not always super easy at first but once you understand that GOD has divine order in making your husband the head of the household, you are better able to follow the leader.

 

Nuggets to remember:

1) Trusting your spouse means trusting their leadership. This means submitting even when you may know the answers far before your spouse even knows the questions.

 

2) Marriage represents the relationship between CHRIST and his bride- the church.

 

3) Pray that your spouse will be lead by the Holy Spirit as he leads you. When you do, he'll lead you as Christ leads him for your family.

 

4) Your strengths and weaknesses will balance each other out. You're a team and together you both will achieve more! 

 

God Bless!

~ CW

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



#13 ~ "Hollllllllddd on!"

Have you ever went into a store and had to wait in a longggg line for a longggg time? Isn't it frustrating? And the worst part about it all is that you have no control over how fast the line will move and all you can do is stand there and wait. This is the same way it can feel in life. We can feel like "Ughhh I'll be single forever," "I'll be at this point in my life forever," "This season seems like it's going to last a lifetime" and every other similar thought that brings you down, discourages your heart and makes you feel burdened by life's uncertainty.

Dear heart, I will tell you that these feelings are common and everyone endures a time in life where you feel like you don't know what's going on and have no idea where your life is headed. It's okay. This is a moment where you must learn to wait. I know it's hard to hear and even harder to live out. However, you must learn the beauty of waiting and how to wait in contentment. The Bible tells us in Psalm 37:7, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!" This scripture is extremely encouraging as it lets us know to wait patiently for the Lord and not be fearful, worried or consumed with the enemy and his plans. We belong to GOD and we are HIS. Therefore, he knows the plans he has for us and his plans WILL prosper if we trust him in everything that we do. 

In marriage, one of the hardest things is wanting GOD to move in a certain area of your life and not seeing the manifestation as soon as you would like. My husband and I prayed for me to get a job after my summer internship and the wait seemed to last FOREVER! I would spend days talking to recruiters, doing school work, and researching job opportunities. I was anxious to start working because I wanted to contribute to our household. However, the Holy Spirit showed me how much GOD is a GOD of timing. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." I started to look at my situation differently and asked the Lord what he wanted me to do with the time he had given me. I spent more time in my quiet time before the Lord praying, studying the Word, praising and worshipping. I also spent more time during the day exercising and taking care of our home. In the afternoon, I would start cooking dinner and prepare for my husband's arrival from home. So although I was anxious to work, I began to appreciate what the Lord was doing and how he was giving me time to do certain things for this specific season of my life. (Ecclesiastes 8:6 ~ For there is a time and a way for everything, although man's trouble lies heavy on him.) 

Another dilemma that we faced was my car situation. I have had my car for 8 years and it's a 1994 Honda Accord. I love Snow White (yes, I named my car) soooooo much because it was my first car and my mother purchased the car for me as a single mother. Thus, I was extremely grateful for the car and knew that I wanted to show my appreciation by taking extra good care of it for as long as possible. However, it is now 2015 meaning that Snow White is 21 years old and with older cars often comes more problems and more maintenance. This was demonstrated in Snow White not starting for my husband one day as he went to a meeting for work. It was surprising to me because I hadn't had any issues with her recently with not starting. However, this particular day she wouldn't budge. We checked the wires, the battery, and everything that could have possibly contributed to her not turning on at all...nothing was the answer! Immediately, we had Snow White towed to our mechanic and asked him if he could check the starter. He called us and gave us surprising news. He said, "I'm not sure what happened but Snow White is starting and your starter is fine." Whatttttt??!!! Why was my car not starting? Why did she cause our entire day to be turned upside down all for our mechanic to tell us such news? At that very moment of contemplating about the situation, GOD showed me a conversation my husband and I had a few weeks prior. In that conversation, my husband told me that he thought we should start looking at getting me a more reliable car sooner than later because he didn't want me to drive Snow White to work and get stuck due to her not being as reliable. I agreed but I still didn't wholeheartedly accept that I may have to get an alternative to Snow White because she was working just fine and had no hiccups thus far. However, I believe that the incident was GOD's way of telling me that it was time. 

I am now blessed and grateful because the Lord blessed my husband and I with a brand new vehicle that we both love and have named Judah! The word "judah" means praise and we know that our prayers, our worship and our praise are what allowed the doors to be opened for us to purchase a new vehicle. And it happened all in GOD's timing. We just had to hold on! 

Now please note that this blog post isn't intended to solely bring attention to financial troubles or dilemmas because marriage is filled with low moments in various areas. You may have been given a word from GOD and feel like, "Lord where is the manifestation of your promise?" I know there may be days where you feel low in various areas of your life: emotionally, mentally, financially and even physically. But trust GOD's plan and know that many times he's telling you to simply wait on him. He will give you strength while you wait and reveal to you more and more what his plan entails. Isaiah 40:31 says, "But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

Nuggets to remember:
1) It is perfectly normal to get frustrated and discouraged while you wait on the promises of GOD.
2) Cherish every season of your life and ask GOD what he's trying to teach you and produce in you in that season.
3) Know that GOD will provide for his children. He's a great father and he won't forsake you. Just hold on! He's coming to see about you and care for you.
4) Wait in contentment. While you wait, he's renewing your strength and revealing his plan to you. 

God Bless!
~ CW

#14 ~ Love = Sacrifice

Typically when I preach on the topic of sacrifice, the church gets quiet, I don't get many "Amens" and  people shut down because it's not "preaching them happy." This response is typical because we as humans don't naturally jump at the thought of having to sacrifice. Sacrifice is defined as a loss or something you give up, usually for the sake of a better cause. Well, newsflash dear heart....LOVE EQUALS SACRIFICE. 

When my husband and I were courting, my law school at the time hosted their Annual Barrister's Ball. It was a beautiful event that many people called "law school prom." The theme was also very attractive to me because it was "Great Gatsby/1930s" and I LOVE the fashion from that era. I think the ladies were gorgeous and classy, and the men were so debonair. As soon as I found out about the ball, I told Keith and he was ecstatic. He definitely wanted to come and be apart of the great occasion but he had a small dilemma. He had a work retreat the week of the ball and wasn't sure what time he would get back to be able to fly out to North Carolina that weekend. Ohhhhh noooo!!! I started thinking, "Lord, please allow him to come because this means so much to me....I don't want to go alone.....If it's in your will for me to go, please work this scheduling situation out for him." And guess what? Soon after the initial conversation about the ball, GOD worked it out! Keith had planned that he would leave his work retreat (where he literally was leading and working the entire time) and immediately get on a flight to come to NC. I was soooooo amazed at his willingness to sacrifice for me. It showed me his dedication to being there for what was important to me and his understanding of true love; it equals sacrifice. 

The ball was beautiful and a few months went by before he returned to North Carolina for the law banquet where....HE PROPOSED! I had no idea that he planned to propose at the banquet but it was PERFECT! We got married the next month in a small, intimate ceremony in Chicago and I never realized how quick the sacrifice of LOVE would come. 

I immediately felt the repercussions of not having my family in the same state anymore. Most of all, I missed my Mommy because we are so close and she wasn't a 20 minute drive away anymore. I also missed my church family because I loveeee my church (shout out to The Lord's Church of the Triangle pastored by Bishop Eric McDaniel and Pastor Subrenia McDaniel). It was such a big change! I went from being in a city where I knew how to get around, had family minutes away and had a church family that I had grown with over the years to a place where I didn't know street names or have a sense of direction, had my family several hours away and a new church family to which I had to get accustomed. It was a SACRIFICE! Now don't get me wrong, after being here for almost a year now, I am better with getting around (although I still sometimes need my good ol' GPS), I communicate with my family via FaceTime and Skype and travel home when I can, and I've grown to love my new Bethel House of Prayer church family. However, I can't tell you how many nights I cried missing my family, how many times I got discouraged driving around Chicago because I had gotten lost and how many times I wished I was in my home church where I knew how everything operated and desired to be in my comfort zone. That is the part of love that many people forget or forsake to think about when getting married or when they first get married. 

Even if your family is within driving distance, you will have to sacrifice your will and your wants. Every holiday won't necessarily with your family and that's okay. It may hurt and you will miss them, but you must realize that the same sacrifice you would want from your spouse...you have to give it. 

(My little cousin Hadrian and I at Sunday dinner held at my Grandma's)

Ladies, I know you love him and fellas, I know you love her. However, the real test of love comes not at your wedding ceremony when you see her and fall in love all over again. It also doesn't come when you have butterflies in your stomach as they enter a room. The test of real love comes when you are forced to give up something that means a lot to you (i.e. money, sleep, time, watching the game, going somewhere you really want to go, comfort, convenience, and etc.) for someone else's good and benefit. 

Jesus gives us the perfect example of sacrifice when he DIED for you and for me. (Romans 5:8 ~ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.) He gave up his life so that we could be free and live victoriously. That's love! Further, in Ephesians 5:2, the bible says, "Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God." There are also many times in the Bible where those who followed GOD were asked to sacrifice to him to show their love. Abraham was willing to sacrifice his own son Isaac to demonstrate his love for GOD. Moses was willing to sacrifice his comfort zone of speaking in front of others to save the children of Israel because of his love and obedience to GOD. True love requires sacrifice. 

Quite frankly, sacrifice is a major component of marriage that is ALL in and through your journey and it's not always easy. Actually, most of the times it's very difficult because you're literally having to "die" to yourself and your desires and put someone else's BEFORE yours. However, I've learned that even though sacrifice doesn't always feel good, it's definitely FOR your good. It takes prayer and discipline, but it molds and shapes you. It makes you more mature and it helps you understand a small fragment of how JESUS must have felt when he died in his flesh for the greater good of humanity.

Nuggets to remember:

1) Sacrifice is defined as a loss or something you give up, usually for the sake of a better cause. 

2) The same sacrifice you would want from your spouse, you must be willing to give. Be fair dear heart. 

3) Jesus demonstrated the ultimate sacrifice when he gave up his life so that WE could have life more abundantly in him.

4) Sacrifice doesn't always feel good, but it will create a discipline and maturity in you like never before.

God Bless!

~CW

   

#15 ~ "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes ________ with the baby carriage..."

I must start this post by saying that I love that I see more and more people excited about marriage. I see more and more of my friends getting married and embarking on the journey of becoming a wife or husband. In addition, I see a ton of people congratulating them and wishing them the best. It's a great feeling! However, what I don't necessarily like is when I see people encouraging them to have a baby immediately. If the couple decides to start working toward increasing their family immediately after marriage, that's great! But if the couple decides to wait a while, that's great too! It's their family and GOD who have the final say on their plan....not any human being.

When I first got married, I kept hearing, "Soooooo when's the baby coming?" I was so excited to know that many people could see me as an amazing mother. However, what troubled me was that the common misconception is that one must start having children as soon as they get married. Again, I will say: If a couple decides to have a baby as soon as they get married, that's great if they decide it, pray about it and GOD blesses them with a child. But it's very easy to get distracted by the opinions of others and start living for them. Unless their knowledge is biblical, you need to take everything simply as one's opinions.

The biggest thing to remember is that your life's story is written by the greatest author of all time: JESUS CHRIST! Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This scripture encourages us by letting us know that the Lord already has our plans in mind and knows exactly what he's called you to do. Be not deceived by the world. GOD makes NO mistakes. Therefore, he knows exactly what he's doing when he does it and why. Though we often get consumed with those questions and try to plan out our lives (I'm guilty!), he has a huge plan that extends far beyond what we could ever think or imagine. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind can conceive; what the Lord has in store for those who love Him." If you love GOD, there's great things in store for you!

If people tell you that your biological clock is ticking, you can tell that you know the author of time and his name is JESUS. You can't become so engrained in people's thoughts that you forsake your own feelings and thoughts. If you and your husband desire to have a baby 2, 3, 4 or even 10 years after marriage, it's between YOU and GOD. Your decision to start a family when you do is not for your family, friends or colleagues to decide. You must remember that only you and your spouse will be ultimately responsible for taking care of a child to which GOD has entrusted you both.

Remember that GOD is sovereign and supreme. Therefore, in the midst of you desiring to have a baby at a certain time in your marriage, GOD can do ANYTHING. Yes, even if you take contraceptives to prevent pregnancy. I personally know women who have become pregnant with child while taking contraceptives. I also know woman who have not been on any type of contraceptives, and yet they don't get pregnant for years. It's all up to the ultimate master of our fate and author of our soul- JESUS!

I also feel lead by the Holy Spirit to encourage any woman who desires to have children and feels inadequate because you were told that you cannot. I also want to encourage women who don't desire to have kids at all and have felt less than a woman for not having the desire to have children. You are NOT less of a woman if you don't have children due to either ability or desire. GOD is supreme! If you feel in your heart that GOD has told you that it's not his will for you to have children, that's a peace that you must keep within your heart. However, GOD has the final say so if you were told by a doctor or by someone that you may not be able to have children, I encourage you to seek the Lord about what his will is for your life regarding having children. What GOD has for you is for you! (Proverbs 16:9 ~ In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.)

Nuggets to remember:
1) GOD has the final say on your plan to have children, not any human being.

2) Don't get so consumed with trying to plan your life that you forget who authors your story: JESUS, and his plans are for you to prosper.

3) We are not restricted by time because we know the author of time. The biological clock "wisdom" does not take precedent over the smartest doctor I know: JESUS.

4) Don't be discouraged by lack of desire or ability. What GOD has for you is for you and HE has the final say.

God Bless!
~CW