#1 ~ Unconditional!

First and foremost, I would like you to know that my prayer is that from reading all of these blog posts, you have been encouraged, inspired and uplifted. If you are getting married soon, be encouraged and know that GOD has a great work in store for you and your spouse! Know that HIS plan never fails and you are in his hands. If you are not married and have no idea where your Boaz or Ruth is, I encourage you to continue to stay committed to the work of the Lord. While you focus on HIM and give HIM your desires, he will give you the desires of your heart. Perhaps you don't fall in either of these categories because you are seriously courting or have found interest in someone, I encourage you to have them read each blog post and discuss it with them. Get an understanding of their thoughts and pray that the Lord would continue to reveal even more knowledge and wisdom about how to move forward. He will give you clarity, wisdom and direction on whether or not to move forward with the person and if so, when to do so. 

The most important nugget I feel that I MUST share with you is this: LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY! You must first understand how to love by knowing the author of love: JESUS CHRIST! He loves us so much that he was sent by GOD the Father to die for our sins, in spite of our rebellion and fear. He loves us and it's not based on condition or qualification. Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. This means he sent CHRIST to die for us in spite of ourselves. We must learn to demonstrate this same love for our spouses. We can't love our spouses only if they do want WE want them to do. Neither can we only love our spouse when it's convenient for us to love them. This is not unconditional love beloved. We must learn to love like Christ loved us- WITHOUT CONDITION! 

However, this love does not come automatically and we are not born with this ability. GOD teaches us how to love like him when we seek him in how to do so. When you seek to be more like Christ, he will reveal himself to you. I find that the more time I spend in the presence of GOD, the more I want to  mirror his image, his ways, and his thoughts. Further, the more I spend time in the Word of GOD, the more I desire to carry out his will for my life and the instructions given.

My husband and I have been through hard times, down days, up moments and beyond. Yet, the constant theme throughout our entire marriage has been this: learning to love unconditionally! No matter what he says or does, I am committed to our marriage and our covenant. No matter how much my attitude or my bratty ways may get on his nerves, he is committed to me and our marriage. We are both in this journey wholeheartedly for the long haul because we realize that we took vows to GOD and to each other. Furthermore, we realize that our marriage is a symbol of CHRIST and his love for his bride- the church. Therefore, our commitment is not only to each other but to the kingdom of GOD. We are committed to our covenant because we realize that the success of marriage is the success of the upbuilding of the kingdom, while failure of marriage is a failure to the kingdom. 

On the good days, seize the moment and remember not to forsake those date nights....KEEP DATING! For as long as you live, you should desire to be a "student of your spouse." This means that you must forever desire to learn about them and learn how to better love them. Learn their love language and master it! Don't stop communicating. Keep a strong circle of encouraging, like-minded married couples around you. Submit your family, your finances, your dreams, and your plans to the Lord and he will direct your path. His desire is for you to prosper and not fail. 

Understand that your marriage is not just about you and your spouse. I know you looooooovvvvvee him sis and I know you loooooovvveeee her bro, but it's not solely about you two. Your marriage is intended to bring GOD glory, and the best way to do so is by learning to constantly love each other unconditionally. Love your spouse IN SPITE of them. Lift them up when they know they deserve to be reprimanded. Encourage them when you feel like saying "I told you so." Comfort them when you know they may have turned on the rain to their own storm. Love them when they aren't very lovable. THESE moments are the moments where GOD gets the glory because you are mirroring HIM and you are replicating HIS love, HIS grace and HIS compassion. Do it for his glory and be encouraged while doing so!

Nuggets to remember:

1) Christ loved us IN SPITE of ourselves. Yet, while we were sinners, he died for you and for me! What amazing love!

2) Christ loved us unconditionally and your marriage should exemplify this love in how you love your spouse. 

3) Stay committed to the covenant of marriage. You represent the kingdom of GOD: Christ as the bridegroom and the bride his church. 

4) Your marriage is intended for HIS glory so aim to mirror HIM in everything you do. With GOD on your side, you can't and won't lose. He has plans to prosper you! 

Be blessed!! More blog posts to come!!

~ CW

#2 ~ Do it TOGETHER

Yesterday, I had the pleasure and honor of celebrating my first year anniversary with my Mr. Amazing. We had just arrived back in the US from our honeymoon cruise and would spend most of the day traveling back home to Chicago. However, my husband still asked me if there was anything in particular I wanted to do, and my answer was simple: I just wanted more us time! We decided to go to the local park, pray, praise and worship GOD together, walk and jog around the park together, and reflect on what GOD had done for us in the past year. During this time, we also prayed about our desires of where we felt the Lord was leading us in this next season. In the midst of the jog,  I got a little tired and exhausted and had to go back to walking at times. However, my husband started cheering me on and encouraging me with these words, "I'm right here with you...Come on...you got it! Let's go!" That motivated me like never before! As we came to the end of our jog, my husband said, "You did it babe! You finished strong!" and met it with a huge high-five. All I could do was cry tears of joy because at that moment, the jog became very symbolic to me.

I quickly remembered the days when I would walk around my apartment complex alone and pray, worship GOD and reflect on how marriage would be. I would walk and jog, but then sometimes get discouraged and quickly go back to walking when I felt that I couldn't keep up with the pace. Now....it may seem small to you if you're a super athletic person, but for me, it was a big deal. I have danced since the age of 3, participated in cheerleading, and taught Zumba....so I thought I was pretty fit. However, I remember days where I would wonder if I would ever have an encouraging husband to do these walks and jogs with me. Yet, I remembered the Lord encouraging me in those quiet walks/jogs with him and letting me know that I was in his hands. He would whisper to me, "Trust my plan...." When I returned to the present moment, I realized that GOD did that for me! I had just completed the journey with my husband....we did it together around the park and finished strong TOGETHER! We did it together as one and we kept encouraging each other the entire way.  Instantly, the Holy Spirit showed me the importance of doing what he's called you to do and staying focused on the walking life's journey, and doing it TOGETHER. 

No matter what the Lord has called you to do individually and as a couple coming together for his glory, do it TOGETHER. If you know that the Lord has called you to be a Pastor, there's no way that you can connect yourself with someone who wants nothing to do with ministry. Additionally, there's no way that you can go on one path and expect your spouse to do their own thing without you having any knowledge of it, yet desire success and oneness in your marriage. It's not good enough to solely be walking or running, or even jogging on the journey GOD has given you separately and focused. You must be doing it TOGETHER. The Bible says in Amos 3:3 ~ How can two walk together unless they be agreed? It's essential to understand that the journey must be completed with both minds in the same direction with the same desire to follow the journey you as ONE have been given.

Ladies, I know that we often times feel like we have all the answers. Sometimes, we may even feel like we need to be leading the journey because we know best. I've even met women who feel that they can do something separate from their spouse, without their involvement at all, and still receive the blessing of GOD. Now, please understand that I am a huge advocate of you being true to yourself and having your own passions, dreams and goals for your life. For example, if you've always wanted to be an AVON sales representative or consultant, I'm not saying that your husband has to be involved with AVON as well. However, I would hope that you would want to discuss the business decision with your spouse, and receive his support before pursuing the endeavor. Although he may not be selling the products with you, you are both still doing it TOGETHER because you are in agreement. 

The truth is I know it's VERY  hard to go from being an independent woman to being in a position where you have to submit to someone else's leadership. However, GOD prepares us for these moments when he tells us to TRUST HIS PLAN. He prepares us for marriage because we are first married to him, his will and his plan.

We as independent creatures often feel that we know the answers and don't need direction, but GOD is sovereign! He knows all and sees all, so you need his wisdom and his guidance in all things. His word encourages us in Deut. 31:6 when it says, " He will never leave you nor forsake you." He's always with you, so you have no need to fear. (Joshua 1:9) For even when you feel like your journey is unknown and you get tired, discouraged or exhausted in the "jog," it's always encouraging to know that you're not in it alone. Your GOD-given spouse will be right there with you, and you'll be doing it....TOGETHER! 

Nuggets to remember:

1) Cherish those days and moments of singleness. GOD will speak to you and encourage you on those days in quiet times with him. 

2) On your GOD-given journey in marriage, whatever you do...do it together! 

3) Doing it together means being in "one mind" and on one accord.

4) God will never leave you nor forsake you. Trust his plan and trust that your GOD-given spouse is in the journey with you....you're doing it TOGETHER!

God Bless!

~ CW

#3 ~ The Power of THREE

If you were raised to be independent or if you love to plan out your entire day, week, month and life, you are not alone. I am the same exact way and I often have to speak to my flesh and tell it to get in alignment with GOD's plan and TRUST it! I often wonder what's next, when the manifestation of the promise will come, and when I'll achieve certain goals, dreams and aspirations. Yet, it's amazing how the Holy Spirit will say to me in a quiet, still voice, "Trust...my...plan." Then I reflect on GOD's word and think to myself, "He created the entire world and makes sure that every living creature has their needs met, so surely he can take care of me."

When women get married, the often misconception that many have is that their spouse will take care of them. Now, although I believe that a husband should be the provider for his family, I do NOT believe that you should depend 100% on your husband to supply your needs. Only GOD can do that! The Bible says in Philippians 4:19 ~ "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." No man can do what only GOD can. Every good thing comes from GOD. James 1:17 ~ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. Therefore, all praise, glory and honor belongs to HIM.

In marriage, you will quickly find out that the three-strand cord spoken of in Ecclesiastes 4:12 is more than true that you probably ever have realized. When you get married, it's you + your spouse but the concept of a three-stranded, not-easily-broken cord will not exist unless there is 1 more component added to the equation. You need JESUS! He must be your third strand because he provides peace, joy, strength and comfort- all things that no man or woman can do alone. 

The Holy Trinity represents the Father (GOD), the Son (JESUS) and the Holy Spirit who is always with us to give us guidance, direction, wisdom and comfort in our life journey. The powerful thing is that they are all ONE and none of them operate without the other. Jesus said in John 19:11 ~ "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Furthermore, he said in John 14:6 ~ "... No one comes to the Father except through me."These verses show you the power of the Trinity. Jesus was essentially saying that he is nothing apart from the Father and that no one can come to the Father except coming through him FIRST. As you read in the Bible about Jesus' departure from Earth, he comforts his disciples by saying in John 14:16-17 ~ "I will ask the Father, and he will give you another helper who will be with you forever. That helper is the Spirit of Truth. The world cannot accept him, because it doesn't see or know him. You know him, because he lives with you and will be in you." WOW!!! What a LOVING God we serve!! He knew that we would need comfort throughout our life journey and left us with the Hoy Spirit as our helper.

In marriage, it is essential to utilize all 3 components of who GOD is. You must understand the sovereignty of GOD to truly submit to his will and trust his plan.  You must also understand that he's a loving father who has plans only to prosper you, and not to harm you (Jeremiah 29: 11).Next, you must be able to fathom the power of what JESUS did when he died on the cross for your sins and yet rose on the third day with all power. Knowing that this power now lives inside of you should give you the confidence to trample the enemy and stand victorious. Luke 10:19 says, "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." You have the victory in your marriage as long as you understand the power in you comes from what JESUS did for you. The conclusive piece of understanding must come from knowing and appreciating the power of the Holy Spirit. When you and your spouse are confused about where to go or what to do, seek guidance from the Holy Spirit. There have been so many nights and days that my husband and I couldn't make an immediate decision because we wanted to feel the peace of the Holy Spirit before moving forward. We also wanted the Holy Spirit to guide us into all truth.

When you need things that money can't buy and there's no friend or family member that can give you what you need at the time, you will then be lead to rely on GOD- the true source of EVERYTHING you need. If you and your spouse are both submitted to GOD the Father, you will understand his love, his discipline and his purpose revealed through tests and trials. However, you must understand the power of the THREE all working together! We are blessed that we don't have to endure life alone. Likewise, you and your spouse should never feel like you're embarking on the journey of marriage alone. You have the Holy Trinity advocating for you, for your marriage and for GOD's glory to be revealed in your life. 

Nuggets to remember:

1) Your spouse is not the supplier of your needs. Only GOD can supply ALL of your needs.

2) The three-strand-cord is not easily broken in marriage because of the third strand- GOD!

3) Understand the power of three- you have GOD as your Father, JESUS as your Savior and the Holy Spirit as your comforter.
 

4) When you face hard times, remember the power of three and tap in to all of your sources of strength! 

God Bless!

~ CW

#4 ~ Invest!

One of the first things my mother taught me growing up was the importance of budgeting money. My grandmother made my first piggy bank and I would put coins in there with the intention of saving. The next money lesson my mother taught me was the importance of investing in my future. However, she showed me this lesson through her actions. My mother invested in every one of my dreams and aspirations. I wanted to be a cheerleader so she invested in lessons and training. I wanted to dance so she invested in me by paying for and enrolling me in dance classes. From the day I told her I wanted to be a lawyer, she looked for summer camps and opportunities for me to gain legal experience and exposure. She invested in my future by nurturing my gifts and talents, and exposing me to things that would fuel my passion. It was truly a blessing and I am eternally grateful for my mother and the sacrifices she made to make me the woman that I am today.

My mother taught me how important it is to invest in the people you believe in. This principle is essential in marriage. I believe in my husband and his ability to teach, lead and pastor people. Therefore, I'm always seeking books, articles and opportunities for him to engage for him to learn how to perfect his craft and sharpen his gifts. In the same way, my husband knows that I love to minister to young women, and I love to dance and sing praise and worship. Therefore, he seeks opportunities where I can perfect my craft of teaching and sharpen my gift of leading praise and worship.

Despite my school fiasco, which seemed like a disaster at the time, my husband never stopped encouraging me to keep moving forward. From the day I told him the vision GOD gave me and how my degrees would allow me to carry out the vision, my husband was ALL IN! He supported my decision to pursue my MBA in addition to completing my Juris Doctor. He also encouraged me by investing in me and sacrificing so that I could have everything I needed to succeed academically. He would remind me of connections I had made with different business people and told me how I could use their knowledge and experience to further the vision GOD had given me.

In the same way, I often forward articles to my husband that give vital information on becoming an effective leader. I also make suggestions for books that will increase his knowledge. I also make time to listen to his dreams, goals and passions. I invest my time in him. Often times when we hear the word "invest," we think of making a financial investment. However, dear heart, investments go beyond your money. Investments can include your time, your ears to listen, and even your understanding.

Last night, my husband and I went to a Gospel artist event that was held in an intimate setting and included a panel with two artists and two performances. However, the panel discussion was very penetrating as the common theme was "Follow the purpose GOD has for you life." Both artists stated the importance of not just merely following your passion, but being aligned with the will of GOD for you life. Furthermore, they stated the importance of investing in your future by being determined to grind and to be fruitful in what GOD has given you at a particular season. Both discussed how they remembered selling their CDs from their trunk and giving their music away to people so that their sound could penetrate offices, cars, and homes. They also stated how that mentality stays with them even now that they are both signed to a label. I instantly thought about my passion, my purpose and my marriage.

It is essential to be married to the grind of marriage. Marriage takes investment. You must be willing to invest your time, as well as your understanding. After the event last night, my husband and I grabbed a bite to eat and just shared with each other our future plans, goals and dreams. As we sat and listened to each other, it was a blessing to see how I wanted to invest in my husband by pushing him to be the best HIM he could be, and likewise he wanted to push me to pursue all of my talents, gifts and passions. We wanted to invest in each other because we care so much pushing the other to be who GOD has called us to be and help each other walk in our purpose. Because we realize that we are on a team, we understand the importance of helping the other to win.

The worst thing I believe a wife or husband can do is go through the motions of marriage, but never actually invest in their marriage. Make sure that you are reading books about marriage, studying the Word together, attending retreats or conferences if necessary, taking a vacation or some alone time to talk, hanging out with other married couples and etc. Invest in your marriage and work to make it the best possible by feeding it with knowledge, love and nourishment.

I want to end with one of my favorite teachings in the Bible. Jesus teaches in the Bible about the parable of the ten talents.  A man, who is a master, is preparing to leave on a journey and entrusts his possessions to his 3 servants. He distributes his wealth among three servants, apportioned to them on the basis of their abilities. To the first he entrusted five talents, to the second two talents, and to the third one talent. The first two servants quickly set to work with their master’s money by investing it. The third servant did not invest his master’s money at all; he dug a hole in the ground and buried his master’s money. When the master returned, the first two eagerly met their master, apparently delighted in the opportunity to multiply their master’s money. Both were commended as “good and faithful servants”; both were rewarded with increased responsibilities in their master’s service; both were invited to share in their master’s joy. This shows us the reward of investing what the Lord has blessed us with versus having to face consequences of the third servant who was rebuked for being evil and lazy. The master, who symbolizes the Lord, took his talent from him, gave it to the one who earned ten, and cast this fellow into outer darkness, where there was weeping and gnashing of teeth. This shows us the vital importance of investing what GOD gave us versus wasting it and not putting it in a position to gain a return.

The Lord blessed you with your spouse. Therefore, you must be willing to invest in them and help them to produce fruit. For when Christ returns, he desires to come back to a return in his investment in us. Let's make him proud by being fruitful and helping our spouse to do the same. It's all for HIS glory! You need them and they need you to carry out their purpose...so let's get to work.

Nuggets to remember:
1) In order to invest, you must believe in the person you're investing in.

2) Nurture their talents, gifts and craft by seeking opportunities for them to grow.

3) Investing is more than just about money. Invest in your time, your ears to hear and your understanding.

4) The Lord is expecting a return on his investment in YOU. Make him proud by being fruitful.

God Bless!
~ CW

 

#5 ~ “What’s yours is mine… what’s mine is mine"

As a single man, I thought I was a pretty unselfish guy. I mean I would give my last to someone in need. I was always willing to serve others without complaint; I jumped at the opportunities to give up my seat for a lady or elder, I didn’t have a problem with sharing things with others. I mean...I work in youth ministry! We all know that teens can and will ask for EVERYTHING you have. It comes with the territory and I had no problem with it. Well, let me tell you... when I got married I quickly realized how SELFISH I really was.

I thought I was good until my wife began to ask for things from me that I really didn’t want to give or share with her. I remember watching a TV show, and in one scene the boyfriend was so happy and willing to share his food and drink with his girl near the beginning of there relationship and after a year of being together his girlfriend would try to take a bite of his food or have a sip of his drink and he would go completely off!!! I thought that was so funny at the time but I found myself doing the same exact thing. I found myself saying things like, “No, get your own.....you knew I was getting up to get something to drink...you should have spoken up...closed mouths don’t get fed.” I was a straight jerk and I couldn’t believe it.

The crazy part about this is: I didn’t haven’t a problem with sharing with anyone that was not super close to me like my family or my wife. However, when it came to my wife, I found myself struggling to give what was mine. We’ve all heard the saying, “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours,” and that’s a nice motto by which to live. But in my marriage, I quickly realized that I leaned more towards the motto, “What’s mine is mine and I’ll take yours too.” Now, all my married readers know that living life with this type of mindset will not make for a healthy marriage at all. Not only was my wife unhappy with me, but the Creator of marriage was also not too thrilled either. I remember one morning during my quiet time I came across a passage of scripture in Philippians 2 that states, “ Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”  I was quickly convicted. I asked God for forgiveness in how I was treating my wife whom He blessed me with and I asked my wife to forgive me as well.

By no means am I saying that I’ve perfected this character flaw of mine, but I am working towards being more conscious of when that selfish attitude arises. My wife is gracious with me through it all and I thank God for her being patient with me. Before I got married I read a book by Gary Thomas titled Sacred Marriage: What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than make us happy? At the time I thought a sacred marriage was a pretty good concept, but now that I’m married I'm starting to see how God uses situations, circumstances, and especially people to help shape and mold you into the image of his Son. The tool that’s used to shape us comes in different forms, and although it doesn’t feel good, we can be sure that it’s FOR our good. 

So, the next time you have that last piece of chicken or cake fellas, it might not be a bad idea to give it to your wife.  She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Nuggets to remember:

1) Count others as more significant than yourselves.

2) Marriage is a tool used by GOD to help shape and mold you into the image of his Son.

3) Be encouraged, it’s all for your good.

God Bless!

~ KW 

#6 ~ Don't Stop Cheering

As a young girl, I remember being a cheerleader in elementary school for a Bethesda Athletic Club League in Durham, in middle school for Chewning Middle School, and in high school taking cheer training at the Museum of Life and Science. I loved being a cheerleader because I could wear cute uniforms, cheer loud for my school and do fun cheers, stunts and jumps. Essentially, the cheerleaders served as the motivators for the team as they worked to win the game. And guess what the best part about being a cheerleader was? It was when we were told that we actually apart of the team. The football and basketball coaches told us that we were not merely girls jumping and screaming for victory, but we were often the motivation and "push" that made the victory possible.

In marriage, you and your spouse are on ONE team. Therefore, it's essential to make sure you're on the team wholeheartedly and you are giving 100% effort to gain the victory. You have to make sure you are on one accord by being on the same page. This means that you must have a game plan and you each must KNOW what the game plan entails. If one of you knows the game plan and the other is confused about where you are headed or what you are doing as a family, you will breed an atmosphere of confusion and chaos. In the NBA, if any team gathers together to go over the plays and one team member is confused, it will show up on the court. Likewise, if the coach discusses a game plan before going onto the court and the team is totally confused about each of their positions, the game will be a disaster for that team and will result in a loss for them. Furthermore, each team member must be supportive of the other and eliminate all envy and jealousy for the betterment of the team. If you have team members who are competing against each other instead of working together, it will result in a loss for the team.

I have learned that marriage is the same exact way. We are a team and therefore we must each know the game plan in order to have success in our marriage. Likewise, we must support each other. It's not a competition between my husband and I because when he wins, so do I! And when I win, so does he! We're ONE so it doesn't matter who shoots the game winning buzzer shot. As long as the ball goes in, we both WIN!

God tells us in his Word, in Amos 3:3, "Can two walk together, unless they have agreed?" This verse means that there is no way two people can walk together as one unit unless they agree on where they are going and in what direction they are going. It's essential to have oneness and agreement. Next, the Bible tells us, in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ~ "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up..."This is ESSENTIAL in marriage because support is the driving force that makes you want to be a better you.

Now let me be very clear. Your aim should never be to change your spouse, because you should marry them with the thought in mind that they may never change. I often tell people to ask themselves, "If he or she never changed from how they are right now, could I be content with who they are?" If the answer is no, then you aren't ready to marry that person. If the answer is yes, you must truly embrace that and realize that you must be comfortable with who they are. Now....being comfortable with them does not mean never pushing them to be their best. There have been so many nights when I've felt like giving up and throwing in the towel on various tasks and assignments in life. However, I pray and feel the presence of the Lord telling me to keep pushing forward. In addition, my husband echoes the voice of the Lord when he tells me not to quit and to stay focused on the goal ahead. It's a beautiful thing and an encouraging feeling to know that he supports me and believes in me.

In the same way, my husband faces moments of frustration and has days where he's discouraged and disheartened. However, I aim to stay conscious about being super supportive of his goals and dreams, and pushing him to never give up. When he gets lazy on a particular task, I ask him multiple times in a week about his progress on the task to keep him motivated. In addition, I ensure that I am not being "nagging," and instead being "nurturing" in my tone. If he has a weight loss goal, I don't throw it in his face when he's eating cookies at night. However, if we're out at the mall together and he's debating on a fruit smoothie or a Dairy Queen Blizzard, I quickly tell him that I think the fruit smoothie may be better for his health. It's all in the tone of love and nourishment which comforts him and makes him feel supported in his goals. Furthermore, my response of support shows that I know our game plan concerning our health and fitness and I have wholeheartedly latched on to the plan.

When you are latched together, you stay connected and allow nothing to come between you. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:12 ~ ...."Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A three strand cord is not easily broken."When you stay connected with your spouse and the game plan that GOD has given you for your lives, you grasp the importance of latching on to your spouse. God created you as ONE and therefore desires for you to bring him glory as ONE. You can only do so in agreement. Therefore, it's essential to make sure you both understand the game plan, embrace it, follow it together, and become the best that you each can be with the other by your side...constantly cheering, supporting and giving you the fist bump of motivation that you need.

Nuggets to remember:
1) Your spouse is not your competition. You are a TEAM.

2) In order to win the game, you must know the game plan and be ALL in.

3) The key to success is supporting your spouse, not envying or showing jealousy towards one another.

4) God made you ONE unit when you became ONE in HIM. Stay latched on to one another and don't stop encouraging each other to be the best you can be.

God Bless!
~ CW

#7 ~ Eliminate the Drama

Have you ever been around someone who allllllways had something going on? It's almost as if they thrive off of chaos, conflict and confusion right? If things are going peaceful, they don't feel content until there's some type of drama present. Whew! Isn't it frustrating? Trust me, dear heart. You're not alone and you're not the only person who has experienced this type of frustration. I have learned that some people are so accustomed to drama that they don't know how to experience peace, calm and order.

The interesting part about drama is that even if you try your very best to keep it out of your marriage, it can try to creep its way in. In John 10:10, the Bible tells us that "the thief cometh, so that he may steal, kill and destroy." This "thief" refers to the devil and his tactics to steal your joy, peace and order and to destroy it. His goal is to destroy you, your marriage and your happiness. Therefore, you have to talk hold of it and be steadfast about not letting anything or anyone steal your joy. The Bible says in 1 Peter 5:8 ~ Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. This means you must be aware of his schemes and tactics and take authority against him!

Although my husband and I both LOVE our families, we found that when we got married, we got consumed with what was going on in other people's lives. We wanted so desperately to see our family doing well and cared so much for them that we wanted to fix their situations. We found ourselves talking for hours sometimes about family issues and different circumstance. One night we even got in an argument because someone's situation led us to have different viewpoints and caused drama amongst us. All of sudden, we realized that the drama from that situation had filtered into our home and we were NOT having it. We made a decision that from that point on, we would not allow other people's circumstances to weigh us down so much to the point of becoming chaotic in our home. We realized that what had occurred was a transference of spirits. The spirits of chaos has tried to transfer onto us. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. This verse helps us to stay alert and stay on guard for the spiritual warfare that's among us. 

Typically, we both have very busy schedules during the day as we both work, manage ministry, and for me, complete school work since I am a full-time student as well. When we are constantly going and going and going during the day, we want to finally relax when we get home. I strongly believe that home is a place of refuge and should be a place of rest, relaxation and comfort. After a day of "tornadoes" and "hurricanes," I believe that your home should give you rest after the rain. Now I know that if you have children, you may be saying, "Lady please...my home is hectic and filled with screaming babies and children when I get home." However, even if this is the case, home should still give a sense of peace and comfort that work and daily errands and tasks don't give you. Cherish your sweet place of peace at home and eliminate the unnecessary drama.

Hard times WILL come, disagreements WILL happen and some days WILL be tough. However, it's very important to understand that some problems aren't worth arguing about. There are some issues that instead of being so on edge, learn to appreciate the small things and understand that everything is not worth a big explosion. With some disagreements, my husband and I even learned to laugh them off. It's not always THAT big of a deal that you may be trying to make it. Understand that life is too short and moments are too meaningful to spend every one of them upset, angry, mad or frustrated. Enjoy the moment! Remember my blog post, "Carpe Diem." ;-) 

If you have a loving heart and are compassionate for people and family, it will be hard at times to disengage from what's going on. However, after you offer prayer and serve as a comfort for that person or family member, you have to learn to let it go. Carry those burdens to the Lord and LEAVE THEM THERE. You can't carry people's troubles on your back, neither can you put pressure on yourself to fix them. Unless the Holy Spirit has given you direction and instruction to intervene and help this person or given you resources to change the situation, you can't make yourself responsible. GOD is in control, GOD is sovereign, and GOD is the only one who can fix every situation. Therefore, instead of taking on drama well after the discussion about it is over, eliminate it. When you get home, relax and let it go. Give those burdens to GOD and let him have his way. He loves to take your stressing and turn it into a blessing!

Nuggets to remember:
1) The devil comes to kill, steal and destroy. Don't let him! Be on guard!

2) Keep your home a place of peace, rest and relaxation, and don't allow the drama of others to transfer into your home. 

3) The key to eliminating unnecessary drama is realizing that every issue doesn't warrant an argument. 

4) Understand that you can love others, but don't carry their burdens. Give it to GOD!

God Bless!
~ CW

#8 ~ Embrace the new beginnings!

Today is such a beautiful day as I watch my social media timelines fill with graduation excitement! This is the time of year where people are achieving their goals, celebrating milestones and getting ready to embark on their career paths. What a beautiful day to give GOD glory! If you've attended trade school, seminary, college, graduate school, professional school, or any type of school, you know about the long days of classes and/or work and short nights of staying up late to do school work. You also know about the days when you feel like giving up and throwing in the towel. Yet, it's all apart of the process when you're working hard to achieve a goal.

When I reflect back on what got me through and what currently gets me through those hard school days, I am often reminded of why I'm there in the first place. I know that GOD has called me to do a great work for his Kingdom and for his glory. When I think about giving up, I am reminded of the youth that I know I am called to advocate for in the court system. When I get frustrated, I am reminded of the women in abusive situations who need a way out and don't know how to get legal help. I also envision the numbers of people who will be impacted by the non-profit organizations that I know GOD has given me the vision to build. Those reflections make the blood, sweat and tears all worth it because I realize that it's for a bigger purpose than my own.

In the same way, marriage is such a beautiful season of life and symbolizes a new beginning and a fresh start. However, the process to get to marriage, like the process to graduation, can sometimes be a struggle. The wedding planning can turn you into a Bridezilla, getting to know your future spouse can reveal things that are frustrating, and thinking about how your life is about to change can feel overwhelming. Then, after the big day comes, you may feel frustrated with different things about your new life, much like a graduate heading into the workforce feels after being a student for so many years. However, you have to understand the bigger purpose. As you embark on this new journey with your spouse, think about what purpose GOD has on your life and how he wants you to change the world. Where will your new beginning lead you?

When I first moved to Chicago, I didn't like the traffic and I didn't know how to get around places without a GPS. Therefore, I always felt lost and thus got frustrated. However, when I moved here I knew that I wasn't originally from here and would have to learn how to maneuver. Yet, I wasn't embracing the new beginnings yet. In addition, I didn't like the weather and would get mad when the wind would blow in my face. But, I knew before moving to Chicago that Chicago is known for its wind and harsh winters. I just hadn't embraced that it was a new beginning. In Isaiah 43:19, God says, " Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?" Therefore, we must learn to embrace the new and expect for GOD to bring forth new things that are different from the old, but better overall for his purpose.

Now although we like to get excited about new beginnings and wait in anticipation for them, they don't always come how we think they will. Sometimes new beginnings come from things being destroyed first. In Isaiah 37:3, the Bible says, "He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" I said, "Sovereign LORD, you alone know." I encourage you to ask yourself today: What dry bones do I have that the Lord may be trying to revive? I'm sure there's something that you thought had no hope or even it's YOU that you're thinking about. Perhaps you thought the Lord gave up on you a long time ago and you're considering yourself  "dry bones." I'm here to tell you today that GOD is a GOD of restoration. Often times, the Lord will totally destroy something to rebuild it better than before. He did it several times in his Word. He destroyed the Earth in Genesis with the flood to restore it with his love and his promise that he would never do so again. He tore the veil in the temple to demonstrate his love and relationship with us showing that he could rebuild himself and revive himself in 3 days with more power than before when he conquered death. He also rebuilt people. For example, he brought Saul to a low point of surrendering before converting him to Paul. That's how GOD works! He breaks things and people down to rebuild them better than before. What an awesome GOD!

The Bible says, "The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty." Furthermore, it says in Job 8:7 ~ And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. This is encouraging as it lets us know that GOD intends for our latter to be greater than our beginning. The best is yet to come!! In order for you to experience GOD's best, just keep on living.

Many times you will hear people say, "If you make it through your first year of marriage, you can make it through the rest." However, I believe that you can make your marriage work if you're determined to see the best that's yet to come! This means that you don't necessarily have to keep up with the thought of "If it's more than "X" years that I've went through with you, then we can make it," but living your life fully by enjoying the moments and enduring the trials and tests together with the promise in mind that GOD is going to make your future together greater than your past. Embrace those new beginnings! It may look cloudy now, but remember storms and troubles don't last always. ("...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." ~ Psalm 30:5)

Nuggets to remember:
1) When you think about giving up, reflect on what the BIGGER purpose is for why you are where you are.

2) As you embark on your new season of marriage, think about exactly what the new beginnings will entail for you and prepare your mind to embrace them.

3) God breaks things and people down to rebuild them better than they were before!

4) Realize that the best is yet to come! Just keep on living and prepare to experience GOD's best for your life!

God Bless!
~ CW

#9 ~ False Superheroes

 

When I was a kid, I remember watching Power Rangers and thinking I wanted to be the Pink Power Ranger. The Power Rangers were so cool to me and always saved the day by beating up the bad guys. I wanted to be apart of their team because they fixed problems and created solutions. It seemed like a perfect job. When someone was in trouble, they came to the rescue! When the world needed them, they were right there to save the day! Ahhh what amazing superheroes they were.

In addition to Power Rangers, I loved Batman. I thought he was so cool and distinguished because he could go from wearing a suit as Bruce Wayne to being (theme music please...) Batman! Oh yea! Batman was THE MAN! He was so sheek and sly that he could save the day and you not even see him because of his speed. His costume, his Batmobile and his deep voice made him one of the greatest superheroes of all time.

However, the realistic fact about both of these superheroes is that they aren't real at all. They are fictional characters created by skilled writers. Yet, they have become cartoon legends with new movies coming out periodically that skyrocket in ticket sales.

Why do they have such an impact? Because they are classic cartoon heroes that give the depiction that they can save the world! It's great to love these superheroes as characters, but what happens when you think that your spouse should embody the same characteristics? Hmmmm....you actually find yourself putting a cape on someone who's not able nor worthy to be compared to be the ultimate problem solver- JESUS.

When I first got married, I loved that my husband was the ultimate "fixer." If something went wrong with my car, he was quick to try to fix it. If something wasn't working in our apartment, he immediately became the family personal handy man. It was an amazing feeling that as soon as I became a "damsel in distress," he came to my rescue. However, I created an unhealthy expectation of my husband. I started to think that he was supposed to be able to fix EVERY THING and EVERY SITUATION. It was really outrageous now that I look back because I would go into "spoiled brat mode." If I was nervous about seeing a rodent downtown and he didn't shield me or walk with me to avoid it from happening, I would get upset. When we were robbed, I immediately thought, "How did this happen to us? Fix it!" When we got flooded, I was so frustrated and started thinking, "Husbanddddd, fix this mess pleeeeeeease!" Then all of a sudden, one day as we were riding in the car together, the Holy Spirit convicted me BIG TIME! I heard the Lord so clearly say, "I'm the only hero. Only I can fix what you're going through and only I can solve your problems. Lean on ME. Trust in ME. Your husband is a man that I created. Therefore, he needs ME to do ALL things."

Whew! Talk about powerful....all I could do was weep and worship GOD the entire rest of the ride and night. Philippians 4:9 says, "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." This verse encourages us to know that every need we have WILL be met by God. He will never leave us nor forsake us and he is a very present help in the time of trouble. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalm 46:1) That means he's always with us! The word "present" means NOW! He's with you right now. He hasn't left and he won't leave. He's always with you to protect you, to keep you and to provide for you. He's a GOOD Father and he takes GOOD care of his children.

Although superheroes are cool and I love watching the new movies featuring their stories, I am so grateful that I was saved by the ULTIMATE superhero: JESUS CHRIST! When Jesus died for my sins and took me out of my mess to make me new, he saved my life. When he made me in his image and submerged me with his love, he saved me. (Genesis 1:27 ~ So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.) When I confessed as an 8-year-old little girl the confession of faith and prayed the prayer of salvation, he saved me! What a blessing! He also rescued me from the path of destruction consumed by my flesh because it would have lead me straight to hell. What an amazing GOD! Who wouldn't serve a GOD like that?

His love never fails and his grace and mercy is new every single morning. (Lamentations 3:23 ~ Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.) Often times, I know that the Lord should discipline me and will get me aligned with his will by giving me tests and trials. Yet, in the midst of everything, when I lay before him and get in his presence, he encaptures me with his love before he disciplines me. He romances my heart with his adoration for me and he comforts my soul as he lets me know that he's there in the midst of the storm. When you fall in love with the Savior of our souls, you realize that no other superhero can compete. You also learn that your spouse is totally dependent on HIM as the source, so your focus changes.

I started to pray for my husband even more and prayed that his dependence would be totally and completely on GOD. I prayed that his mind would be regulated so that he would think the thoughts of GOD. I prayed that his spiritual ears would be opened so that he could hear the voice of GOD. I prayed for his mouth to be purified so that he would speak the word of GOD and I prayed that his hands would be that of a worshipper allowing GOD to bless everything he touched. My prayers ultimately changed from my attention being on him fixing the problems to THE problem solver giving him wisdom on how to do so. GOD CAN DO ANYTHING, and without him we are nothing. We are merely existing when we live without the light and pulse of Jesus running through our veins. I encourage you to get into his presence today if you haven't already. His love will change your perspective, take away your doubts, concerns and fears, and alter the course of your thinking. Oh how he loves you! Dig in today and receive his love!

Nuggets to remember:
1) Your spouse is not a superhero, so they are not the ultimate problem solver or fixer.

2) In order for your spouse to function at their maximum potential, they must be connected to the source: JESUS CHRIST, who will give them wisdom on how to do what needs to be done.

3) Stop with the unrealistic expectations you have of your spouse. Turn your attention towards JESUS and away from the "false superhero" you've created in your mind.

4) God will meet all of your needs and will never leave you. Take time to get in his presence. You may go in burdened, but I guarantee that you'll experience a change in your perspective and leave with the burdens off of your shoulders.

God Bless!
~ CW

#10 ~ "Connect to the Call"

Have you ever really asked yourself, "What is GOD's call on my life?" "What is my purpose?" "What was I created to do?" If not, you are not alone. I have learned that many people go to work and/or school, pick up their kids from school, go home, fix dinner, watch TV, go to bed and get up to do it all over again. Yet, in the midst of doing all of this, they never find their true passion. They never find out what GOD has called them to do and who he's called them to be in life. For some, the word "call" is often associated with ministry and being a minister in a mic. But dear heart, your call may not necessarily involve being a preacher and that's okay. Every one has their own distinct ministry in that you have your own gifts and talents that you bring to the world. Yours may be serving others, encouraging other people, teaching children, playing an instrument, controlling media at your church, or organizing events.

If you're a teacher, perhaps your call is to children and creating future leaders. If you're a lawyer, perhaps your call is to bring forth justice in the judicial system. If you're a doctor, perhaps your call is to help heal others and help them through medical situations. If you work in a bank, your call may be to help people manage money. Or perhaps you're working somewhere right now where you don't feel like you're walking in your call at all. You may say, "I work at Starbucks...that's not a career so it can't be my call." I disagree. Though Starbucks may not be your desired life-long career, your call at the job is to connect with people and share the love of CHRIST in everything you do. If you work at a particular place, the light and love of JESUS should follow you. At each season of your life, you will find that GOD has given you a purpose for why you're there at that particular time. Even if you're working a job temporarily, I encourage you to ask GOD "Why am I here?" "What is your purpose for me here?"

Once you understand your true calling, you can then understand how to connect with someone else's. It is essential for you to know your call before marriage because who you marry is essential! Your call must be connected to that of your spouses in order for you both to have maximum fulfillment in your marriage. For my husband and I, we knew when we were courting that we both had a passion for ministry and youth. We were both ministers and we knew that the call on our lives was to impact the lives of others by sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm passionate about women's ministry and empowering young women at a young age and beyond. My husband is passionate about empowering young men and ministering to men at all ages, and we both desire to pastor a church where we can build relationships and help people grow in CHRIST. My long-term career goal is to become a judge in the juvenile court system after serving as an attorney for juvenile offenders and domestic violence victims. In addition, I want to start a non-profit organization with multiple locations for youth and victims of domestic violence around the world. In alignment with that call, my husband currently works as a Program Director where the mission of the organization is to defend fatherless teens through life-on-life relationships. At first glance, you may say "Wow! Your calls definitely connect but my spouse/future spouse and I don't have that!"

I encourage you and your spouse/future spouse to pray about your passions and purpose. If you are a praise dancer and he's a worship leader, your calls are indeed connected: You both love worship and desire to lead people into the presence of GOD. If you are a social worker for high-schoolers and he works as a personal trainer, you may feel like your calls aren't connected, but go beyond the job. What is your passion? What do you love to do regardless of being paid? If you both have a heart for people, that may be your call. If you have a desire to uplift and inspire people through fitness and healthy living, that may be your call. If you both love to work with children and help them succeed, that may be your call. Whatever it is, find out and move forward with pursuing it!

In the Bible, in Genesis 2:4-3:24, God created Eve for Adam because their calls were connected. God brought them together to bring more glory to himself. If you notice, Eve wasn't created and then immediately afterwards quoted in the Bible saying, "I really don't want to be out here. This is just NOT for me." She was connected to what GOD had called Adam to do and she did it fully. If you look at Abraham's wife, Sarah, Boaz's wife, Ruth and even Queen Esther, you will see that they connected with their husband's calls and followed wholeheartedly. Likewise, their husbands connected with them and they were in sync with their dual purpose.

It may seem difficult at first to understand why GOD has called you and your spouse/future spouse together. But don't be dismayed. Pray about it! The Lord is listening and eager to give you guidance and direction. Find out what the Lord is saying about your joint purpose and call together as one unit. It will be an amazing experience to embark on the journey together for GOD's glory. Matthew 7:7 says, ""Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Go to the throne of GOD boldly and ask him what he's called you to do. And if you already know what GOD has called you to do- get busy! The Bible says, "Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few ~ Matt. 9:37. This means that there are plenty of people who need CHRIST, but the people working to lead them to him are few. The world needs you! Whatever you call is, connect to it, plug in and give it your all.

Nuggets to remember:
1)  Every one has their own distinct ministry in that you have your own gifts and talents that you bring to the world.

2) If you're not sure about your purpose and call, pray and ask GOD to reveal it to you.

3) Your call must be connected to your spouse's, even if outside of your careers, in order to have maximum fulfillment in your marriage.

4) Once you find out what your call, passion and purpose is, connect to the call and give it your all! There are lives waiting on you and your spouse to impact the world.

God Bless!
~ CW